Fixing Perfection

It turns out that sometimes, perfect just isn’t enough.  Strange as it may sound, that is the harsh reality for the 12-0 Boise State Broncos.  For the 9^th ranked perennial Cinderella, the gem of the Gem State, simply taking care of everyone on their schedule likely won’t get them where they want to be.  I can stand up along with the 1,499,401 other Idahoans and complain that a 61-10 exclamation point over a decent Fresno State team should have been enough to catapult the blue-turfers to big stages in Glendale, New Orleans or Miami, but thanks to an undefeated Utah team they will likely head to the conciliation prizes in places such as El Paso, Memphis, San Diego, or even stay home in Boise. 

While much about the BCS seems, nay, is frustrating (quick tangent- Longhorn fans need to be quiet, you are at best the third most screwed over team…they are now guaranteed a BCS bowl berth, unlike Texas Tech WHO BEAT THEM, presumably because Vince Young wore the burnt orange there three years ago.  This could even be a blessing for the Longhorns if Oklahoma is knocked off by Missouri, there is no reason that the Longhorns won’t sneak in the back door to the national championship game… Oh yeah, they also lost more games than Ball State, who will probably end up in something like the Motor City Bowl, make that fourth most screwed... and yet I’m treated to a 48 hour candle light vigil for Colt McCoy’s hopes and dreams on ESPN) the thing that bugs me the most is that Utah has been presumed to be better than Boise State.  The most logical, or least illogical rather, explanation for this is that the Mountain West was better than the WAC this year, and therefore Utah had more quality wins.  But is that really the case? 

The main tenant of the strong Mountain West argument was that it had three BCS contenders, and that Utah therefore had wins over 2.  This is a stretch, at best, BS at worst.  The first of those supposed contenders, TCU, has a record that is solid enough.  Their 2 losses came at the hands of Utah and Oklahoma.  They were dismantled by Oklahoma, but so were plenty of other quality teams, so that can be thrown out.  Other than that, their only tough game was their other loss, a last minute loss to Utah.  The Horned Frogs did knock off a Pac-10 team, but it was a Stanford team that went 5-7, including an eeked out victory against hapless Washington.  TCU was a solid squad, that beat everyone they should have, but it is hard to say that they were a legitimate contender, as they lost both of their games that could be considered a test.

The other so called contender in the MWC was BYU.  They vaulted into the national spotlight after a convincing victory over UCLA, who was coming off of a win over a ranked Tennessee team.  Since then, both Tennessee and UCLA have struggled, and while a dominant win over a Pac-10 team is still impressive, that win doesn’t carry the weight it did at the time.  The next game on BYU’s schedule should retrospectively end any debate over whether or not they can be considered a contender.  Washington was the worst team in the nation this season at 0-11.  The closest they came to winning a game this year was against 2-11 Washington State.  The second closest (which should have been the closest), came against against BYU.  Only the worst penalty call of the 2008 season, an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Jake Locker for throwing the ball into the air, leading to a missed extra point, was able to save the Cougars.  While the stripes saved the game for BYU, they managed to get beat on the field by the worst of 119 D-1 college football teams, something no other team managed to do.  This would not have happened to a good team, and is the end of legitimate discussion of BYU as an actual contender.

Having debunked the myths that TCU and BYU were legitimate contenders, the Mountain West, and indeed the rest of Utah’s pedigree look considerably weaker, especially compared to Boise State’s.  The WAC wasn’t a terrible conference, and will have 6 bowl eligible teams, compared to 5 from the Mountain West.  Out of conference, Boise was able to knock off an Oregon team, handing the 19^th ranked Ducks their only loss in Eugene.  Boise also knocked off a bowl bound Bowling Green team that beat Pittsburgh at Heinz Field, and handled bowl bound Southern Miss on the road.  Out of conference, Utah’s marquee win came against Oregon State, who lost to the Oregon team that Boise beat.  The Michigan win looked good at the time, but looks much less impressive on the tail end of a 3-9 season for the maize and blue in a shaky Big 10.  Looking at all of that, Boise’s thorough domination against a good Fresno team should catapult them ahead of Utah, who was only able to dominate like that against the dregs of the MWC and WAC. 

Alas, as painfully obvious as it becomes when examined properly, Utah is presumed to be a better team by an ignorant polling system, and therefore will go into the BCS.  So what is left for Boise State?  Many people are calling for a matchup of the non-BCS undefeateds. Unfortunately, playing Ball State in Boise, as some have suggested, has absolutely no upside for the Broncos. 

Ball State has the weakest schedule of any top 25 team, and has struggled a number of times in an embarrassingly weak MAC.  Even if Ball State was on the same level as Boise, as they most assuredly are not, Boise State would have nothing to gain by playing them in a bowl game.  Boise will be presumed to be the class of the non-BCS, non at large teams.  The Broncos have proved this over the past (half) decade, by continuously finishing with less than 4 losses, and perennially challenging for an at large BCS bid, even if they have only received one.   That leaves nothing to prove against a team that allowed 22 points to the fourth best team in the state of Michigan (the Detroit Lions are just behind Western in 5^th).  So if not Ball State in the H Bowl, then where should Boise go?  I’m glad you asked.

There is one obvious matchup that has been overlooked.  Boise needs to play a BCS conference school in order to prove anything.  Further, beating a four or five loss team won’t turn any heads.  Ordinarily it would be difficult for a mid major to draw a team like this, as there would be little for the big school to prove.  Luckily, they have established themselves as a program against which a point can be made.  They are not like Ball State, for which a BCS team would receive little credit if they knocked off, despite their undefeated record.  Luckily, there is a one loss team with something to prove, from a BCS conference.

Why not pit the two best offensive minds in college football circa 2008?  The answer is that there is no reason.  It would be a crime against football fans everywhere if Boise State didn’t go up against Texas Tech in a bowl this year.  This game would have every appeal.  First of all, it would essentially be a BCS game.  Both teams earned a spot in one of the big games, Tech by losing only one game in one of the toughest conferences in the nation, Boise because, well, they didn’t lose.  The level of play in this game would actually be miles ahead of a potentially unwatchable Florida State-Cincinnati Orange Bowl.  It would be a treat to watch these two offensive juggernauts pound it out in the Screwed by the BCS Championship Game (presented by Wachovia).

The venue for this game is also a no brainer.  The Cotton Bowl, as it is, is the biggest of the non-BCS bowls.  It is actually looking to become a BCS bowl when it moves to the new Texas Stadium.  Texas Tech will likely go anyways, as a non-BCS Big 12 team is represented in the game anyways.  The Cotton Bowl offers a high profile and a decent venue, which would be necessary for what may be the most interesting matchup of bowl season.  Furthermore, the $3 million that is offered, while not BCS money, would be enough to draw the two programs.  The SEC is usually represented on the other side, but hopefully the bigwigs in Dallas would be able to think logically and waive that tradition (especially because it isn’t a real tradition, BYU played in it 10 years ago, UCLA the year after that) in order to facilitate this matchup.

In fact, I will go a step further.  When the BCS Bowls are released Sunday, I don’t want to see Boise go to Glendale or Miami.  There is so much wrong with the BCS, I want to avoid it entirely.  If invited to play Cincy in the Orange Bowl or the loser of the Big 12 or SEC Championship in Glendale, the Broncos should continue to be the most innovative program in college football.  As hard as $17 million may be to pass up, they should give a giant middle finger to the BCS.  Turning down one of those second rate invites the Broncos should put on a show in Dallas, going to the Cotton Bowl, taking on the other team that got jobbed by this ridiculous system in an offensive showdown for the ages.  

The Last Cassel

On the eve of the baseball free agent market opening, an NFL game that virtually no one saw has stolen the headlines.  In essence, Brett Favre has done (for now), what he was brought in to do.  Favre has been far from perfect this season, at times even calling into question whether or not the Jets are better off with him at the helm than they would have been with Chad Pennington.  Right now the point is mute, as Favre has lead the Jets over the Patriots for just the second time in the Mangini-Belichick era. From Bangor to Darien, New Englanders will point out that the Patriots were playing without Adalius Thomas or Ty Warren (obviously the fact that New England was without #12 is irrelevant in the context of this season), completely deflating their pass rush, and still came within a coin flip but for now it is irrelevant as the 7-3 Jets are atop the AFC East heading into Week 11.

While Favre took a large step towards vindicating himself after early flops against the Pats and Raiders, the biggest stories were the two non-American Heroes playing skill positions in this game (because lets be honest, the Patriots running back is not a skill position).  First of all, Thomas Jones had another solid game (104 yards and a score), and has become nothing short of a must start for those of you in fantasyland. 

Much more interestingly, Matt Cassel solidified his spot as (gasp) one of the top free agents in the 2009 offseason.  Granted, Cassel has (at least) 6 more games in which this could drastically change, but I wouldn’t expect it to.  Barring an emergency amputation of Brady’s left leg, Cassel will surely test the waters of unrestricted free agency this coming spring.  Many have chalked this up to overreaction to a number of good games.  That’s not the case though.  While 6-3 with good pieces around him could be chalked up to coincidence, 400 yards cannot.  At the very least, Cassel proved that he has an upside much higher than many other quarterbacks in the league. 

One thing stands out in the argument for signing Cassel.  In my column about Aaron Rodgers, I made the argument that NFL teams are the best judge of what they have in unproven players, and that no where is this more apparent than with backup quarterbacks.  So far it has been true for Mike McCarthy (Rodgers is in the top 10 in touchdowns, QB rating and completions), and I would be confident that it is true about Bill Belichick, like him or not (even if it is “not” for everyone west of, say, Worcester, MA).  Granted, only an injury to Tom Brady and a lack of a viable alternative gave Cassel the starting job.  The fact that Cassel is playing is not actually an endorsement of his ability.  On the other hand, 50 passing attempts in the most important game of the season (to this point) most certainly is.  What we know is this Cassel will get paid this offseason, probably with a long term contract, and it will probably get a lot of scrutiny, but I for one think it will be deserved. 

Note

Sorry for the hiatus.  Starting college and being thrown into the hockey season hasn't left me with much time to update this site.  I did write most of an NHL preview, but never found time to finish it, so I am going to hold off posting it until mid season, when hopefully I will find time to either obnoxiously brag about my nostrodomus-esque prediction ability or complain about how my sleepers are underperforming and making me look like an idiot.  

In the mean time, in order to keep this blog moving, I'm going to be posting shorter, more topical posts a few times a week (or hopefully more).  While it will be a bit of a departure from the less topical colums that usually grace this space, I feel like it is a better use of the half hours that I am able to find where I feel like writing than trying to string columns together over a few days, which usually results in me quitting on them for one reason or another.

A Break From Sports; Find Your Voice

In the last few months we, as Americans have heard a lot of things. We have been barraged by media storms covering conventions, speeches, background checks and nominations. We have followed a race, one that has become a battle. Most of us have anyways. Maybe you aren’t among those who have, and that’s ok, but it is time to speak up.
To the young people of America, I say this; find your voice. Many of the people that will read this will be under the voting age of 18. You may feel as if you don’t have a voice in a society that rightfully restricts the age at which you have the opportunity to cast a vote. Please, don’t believe that. You may not have a vote, but you still have a voice. Find it.
It is easier than you may think. One of the most beautiful things about this country is that you will always have an opportunity and a right to be heard. Sure, not everyone can make time to volunteer to a campaign, or to try to convince your peers to support a candidate or an issue. That’s fine. There are easier, simpler ways that you can be involved in this presidential election. All you have to do is make a point.
Speak up in a class, engage in a debate there. Tell your friends or your parents who you support and why. Find a friend you disagree with and engage in a discussion of what you take issue with in their views. Get your opinion out there. It is one of the most important things you can do, for even though no one else can take your voice away from you, if you don’t express your opinions, you take it away from yourself. Make sure you use it, but just as importantly, make sure you hear someone else’s. See another side of an argument; understand why conservatives think you’re too liberal, or why liberals think that you’re too conservative. We can all be proud of our country, and enlightened disagreement is American as it gets. That is why American men and women have died on the battle fields of France, Germany, Afghanistan and, yes, Iraq, so that you can tell someone why they are wrong, and so that they can tell you why you are.
Our generation will fight a political war. The last generation was white versus black (and enlightened minds heroically inspired a truce). This generation, that of our parents fights a battle, liberals versus conservatives. Eventually we will fight an even more important one; apathy versus involvement. Our generation was blessed with an extraordinary ability to complain. While this may not strike you as a gift, I assure you that it is. After all, this country was founded on dissent. The problem is this; only if we get involved do we earn our right to dissent.
So, finally, I beg of you this. Get involved, care know the issues, know why you are right, but also why you may be wrong, and if you are of age, vote. Politics may seem to be the sport of older men and women, but make no mistake; they affect you as much as anyone. Involvement can begin before even the right to vote, unfortunately, so can apathy. Don’t let it happen to you, find your voice.

It's Not Just You

Sitting around on a Monday night, halfheartedly watching Sportscenter after a phenomenal I saw something crawl across the bottom of my television set  that, to the average viewer would be relatively trivial.

MLB Brewers fire manager Ned Yost and name third base coach Dale Sveum as interim manager.

Sveum, that name seems familiar….

Where do I know that….

Wait a second, is that….

Good God.

Ladies and gentlemen, in the strongest nod to mediocrity since Sarah Palin was nominated to be the vice president of the United States, the worst third base coach in Boston Red Sox (nay, Major League) history, is now in charge of an actual baseball team.  In charge of one in a pennant race for that matter.

Ok, maybe mediocrity is the wrong word.  Sveum did capture the elusive third base coach triple crown in 2005.  He lead the league in RTOAP (Runners Thrown Out At the Plate), RTSBDS (Runners That Should’ve Scored But Didn’t) and HAGESF (Heart Attacks Given to Elderly Sox Fans).  I guess in the Brewers’ defense, they could have given Sveum a position he was worse suited to: Buss Driver (‘I know that the light is red, but I swear I can make it, screw it, I’ m going!’).

What did the people of Wisconsin do to deserve this?  And not just this, this entire year has been a disaster for the Cheese and Beer State (I know Wikipedia could have given me WI’s actual nickname, but that was more appropriate than the ‘Badger State’, although maybe more risqué than ‘America’s Dairyland’ as a nickname for the state that has a population of 5.6 million and is represented in the Senate by Herb Kohl and Russ Feingold.  Alaska is near Russia, nominate me for VP).  Forget the fact that you are in a pennant race.  Forget the fact that no team has fired an above .500 manager through 150 games since the Hoover administration. Forget even that the Brewers got rid of the manager that lead a mediocre pitching staff and a lineup featuring only one hitter over .280 to a tie for the wild card with two weeks left in the season.  The Brewers just hired a guy that any Sully, Mick or Murph could have tell you should be managing in A Ball.  So for Brewers fans, here is some definite proof-ish type stuff that the sports world has, indeed been turned upside down and you aren’t alone.

 _______________________________________________

Victor Zambrano threw a no hitter, at an Astros’ home game.  Despite being in a tight pennant race, the Astros agreed to play this game at Miller Park.  Apperently they don’t know how to use mapquest.

Aaron Rodgers is a better quarterback than Brett Favre, not in 2010, now.  Sure, it has only been two weeks, but you can put this debate to bed.  There are things that you can fake for a couple of weeks (a minor leaguer charging out to a .450 average after a call up etc), but the poise and ability that Rodgers has shown isn’t something that comes and goes.  The shocking part; I was right.  Not to say I told you so, everyone on ESPN and every other media outlet that thought the Packers were out of their minds and are now conveniently not mentioning their favoritism towards Favre, but… I F***ING TOLD YOU SO! (that felt good, moving on)

Matt Cassel is starting in the NFL.  Matt Leinart isn’t.  Two starting QBs went down in week one (Brodie Croyle and Vince Young), and every analyst agreed that their backups (Kerry Collins and Trent Green) were significant upgrades.  The best QB in the NFL went to a 1-AA school and he is one of seven (Romo, Warner, Jackson, Kitna, Flacco, O’Sullivan and Thigpen) that didn’t even play D1-A football.  There are 112 D-1 teams…how does this make sense?  Of the 10 best quarterbacks in the world, beyond the fact that two that theoretically weren’t good enough to start at Temple or Middle Tennessee St.,  one (Brady) is out for the year, one (Manning) is beginning to look like he peaked in 2006,one (Favre) spent 4 months of the offseason retired and one (Vick) is in jail for another 10 months.  Speaking of which, Marcus is going to go down as the well behaved Vick (old I know, but still funny).  This is how the best football league in the world is filling out the 32 highest profile jobs in sports?

I lost 6 fantasy points because DeSean Jackson dropped the ball too early as he celebrated into the end zone.  If I hadn’t won anyways, I may have put a hit out on Jackson.  Speeking of hits on fantasy NFL players, LT has 6 points in two weeks.  People are debating whether you can trade him for someone like Adrian Peterson.  Right now I might trade him for Darren Sproles… Norv Turner appears to agree.

I actually considered that some people from Wisconsin may still be upset given the second point that I made here.

 ____________________________________________________________

So if that doesn’t at least ease the pain Wisconsinites, don’t drink yourself into a Miller-induced stupor, or commit suicide by eating brats and cheese until you clog an artery, instead look on the bright side.  Your Brewers may not make the playoffs, but Rodgers looks miles ahead of Tavarius Jackson, the Badgers are poised to make a run at the Rose Bowl, if not the national championship, and if that doesn’t make you feel better at least Sveum isn’t your third base coach anymore.

Done Four

Brett Favre. Brett Favre. Brett Favre. Mike McCarthy. Brett Favre. Green Bay Packers. Brett Favre. Brett Favre. Brett Favre. Trade or release. Brett Favre. Brett Favre. Brett Favre. Tampa Bay, New York. Brett Favre. Brett Favre.

If you are anything like me, at this point you have walked away from your computer, madly pulling out your hair and screaming “I DON’T F***ING CARE!” Now, hopefully for the sake of this blog’s popularity, you are willing to overlook your frustration and distain for this story and continue to read this particular column, but if you aren’t I kind of understand. The coverage of this non-story has created more distain for sports media in me than any topic in my lifetime.
There are so many reasons to that this story bugs me, it is difficult to know where to start. Essentially there are two elements to why I can’t stand this particular media circus.
The first, and most important, is that it is a non-story. The fact is, there have been countless hours spent discussing and covering the (non)story (much has been made of the 2000+ hours that NBC and it’s networks will spend covering the Beijing Olympics, I would venture a guess that ESPN and its networks have spent much more time covering Favre), and yet there really hasn’t been much of anything to cover. Favre retired, then four months of nothing (which were mercifully devoid of 23 hours a day of FAVRE WATCH! on ESPN). Finally, Brett decided that he wanted to come back. Brett said that he wanted to come back, but the Packers didn’t say anything. Think about it, for two weeks, there was nothing to cover, no events, no solid rumors, no comments from the parties involved. Just a player interested in coming back. No story.
That didn’t stop ESPN. Instead of ignoring it and saying “we will keep you posted and let you know if something happens,” the Worldwide Leader decided to make this the largest story of the year. We were subject to coverage of text messages, secret meetings, private jets, tampering phone calls and trade rumors, all of which really didn’t lead to anything. I’m not sure, but I think at one point Bob Ley hosted a 2 hour special on why Favre was pronounced Farv, instead of fav-rey.
After four or five days of covering a story that didn’t exist, the sports media (ESPN bears the brunt of this criticism, but only because it is the largest outlet. Others are no less guilty) began the tell-tale sign that a story has been overblown. It started covering itself. With no new developments to hyperbolize, radio hosts, talk show hosts and pundits began to discuss themselves, and debate whether or not they were paying too much attention to #4 (they failed to see that the answer was inherent in the debate). It is a pity that Jon Stewart doesn’t cover sports, it was the kind of thing he could have had a proverbial field day with.
The second thing that bothers me about the coverage, is that everyone seems to be wrong. (Warning: this is where I weigh in on the story, I completely understand if you want to stop reading now.) It has become a forgone conclusion for most writers, hosts and pundits. The Packers are better off with Favre and are foolish not to welcome him back (most of the time it is said with considerably less conviction, but that is the general consensus). While my first point that this story is fairly popular, my second point is far less accepted. I doubt that I am the first to say it, but I am certainly one of a few. The Packers are much better off not welcoming Brett Favre back as their starting quarterback. It isn’t even really a debate.
There are plenty of reasons that this is the case, but to me, the most obvious has been completely neglected by the media (I apologize if this has been argued, but I have yet to hear it). Aaron Rodgers may not be a better player than Favre, but he is not significantly worse than Favre. Make no mistake, the Packers were not better last year because Favre reformed himself made less mistakes and lead them to where they ended up. Last year saw the exact same Favre recklessness and mistakes as when the Packers had loosing seasons. 2007 just had better pieces around him.
Still I will concede that Favre has a slight edge over Rodgers, so why not take the upgrade, which doesn’t cost anything, however small?
Because the upgrade actually has a considerable price. Highly regarded throughout college, Rodgers has performed when given the chance (one game, but still…). The Cowboys game last year aside, Packers organization has seen more of Rodgers the last two years than anyone else. They have had an ample opportunity to evaluate Rodgers, they are not blandly handing the reigns to a rookie. Clearly they think highly of him based on what they have seen, given that they were willing to push a legend out of town to give Rodgers his chance. So why not take Favre back for a year, before handing it over to Rodgers when Favre is done?
Hopefully those who have followed the story are beginning to see the answer already. Rodgers is the quarterback of the future for the Cheeseheads. If it is allowed to begin, he just might chose to stick around for that future. Rodgers becomes a free agent in 2009. If he is jerked around and forced to spend another year with a clipboard, make no mistake, there will be another 2 way quarterback race in Green Bay in ’09. Not Rodgers and Favre, Matt Flynne and Brian Brohm will battle it out while Rodgers gets his chance in New York, Tampa Bay or Baltimore. Is it worth it for an upgrade that is marginal at best?
The confluence of over coverage and ignorance has frustrated me beyond belief. It has made me virtually unable to watch SportsCenter, and dismissive of the many talk radio podcasts I subscribe to. The list of things I would rather hear about is long (the MLB deadline which saw a number of big names move may not have been completely overshadowed, but the coverage was certainly diminished because of Packer-gate). Unfortunately, Favre stepped off of his private jet and saw his shadow, meaning that the coverage has no end in sight.

Draft Tracker

As much as I love ESPN’s Bill Simmons’s work, when it comes to hockey, anything he can do I can do better. With the NHL Draft’s first round tonight I couldn’t resist trying to prove this point. With that in mind, here it is, the 2008 NHL Draft running diary.

5:19 MT: The Lightning are at the podium, their GM is giving a speech. Because they know that everyone knows Stamkos is their pick, apparently they are dragging it out to make up for the lack of drama.

5:21: VS actually cut to Stamkos before the pick on split screen, leading me to hope that they went a different direction. Stamkos is being compared to Yzerman, and being expected to make an impact immediately, no pressure. Bigger news, the VS crew expects Barry Melrose to be named coach of the lightning, intriguing…

5:24 Biggest NHL news of the day so far while they are interviewing Stamkos (who; a. says that he is ready to play in the NHL right away, b. says that he can’t compare himself to an NHLer, and c. appears to be about 12 years old; a troubling confluence of circumstances if you are a bolts fa- er, uh never mind) is that Malkin has been offered $20 mil to play in Russia. I for one am not so surprised that the Euro leagues are starting to try and challenge the NHL. Honestly though, I think their window of opportunity was immediately following the lockout and that they missed it. Plus, Malkin defected in the middle of the night just 2 years ago; I doubt he will be eager to go back.

5:26: Just learned that Sharks don’t pick till 117, leading me to consider quitting now, but I’m going to stick with it anyways

5:31: A Canadian kid who worshiped 99 in the mid 90’s! Hard hitting reporting and interview tactics by VS in the Downy (the Kings pick at 2) interview, digging up that gem.

5:33 A trade is being announced, and it is a big one… Jokanin to Phoenix for Boynton and a few others. If you didn’t go to Kent in 2007 you won’t get this, but you have got to be Oli Jokanin’n me right now!

5:35: The Versus crew keeps asking what teams are planning to do with their picks and in free agency, but they are 0-6 as far as getting answers, maybe time to go with a new tactic there Pulitzer.

5:40: Bogosian is added to the core of prospects that are taking shape In Atlanta (joining Coburn and Esposito) in a “gigantically positive…cover up move” according to the play by play that we have tonight. 2 for 3 on foregone conclusions, not a whole lot of drama so far in Ottawa. Meanwhile Begosian hates losing and is glad he chose to play hockey, according to his interview, good to know I guess.

5:43 Another trade from Betteman, he has been traded (with cash) for David Stern!

5:43: Sorry, I just nodded off, had a great dream. The trade was actually Tanguay to MTL for picks.

5:48: Pietrangelo is the Blues pick, another offensive guy who will be great with Johnson. 3 of the top 4 picks have been defensemen (all 4 from the O). He was compared to “Pronger without the edge.” I think that Ryan Kesler would see this as an upgrade.

5:49: Hold on, I think that one of the guys accidentally referenced “Larry Zubov.” You can’t make that sort of thing up…

5:50: The crew is actually sending it from the host desk that is doing the play by play to another set where they are doing the interviews with the picks. This is presumably because the host play by play guys can’t ask unoriginal questions that don’t actually lead to anything interesting from the players themselves.

5:51: Pietrangelo actually made a number of jokes, and didn’t even stutter in the interview, charismatic kid…meanwhile VS just broke the news that the Blues would prefer not to have the 4th pick again next year, so basically, they would prefer not to finish 26th in the league again. Watch out Bob Woodward.

5:53: Gord Miller (the sideline reporter for VS) has said that the Islanders and Leafs have made a trade, the 5th pick for the 7th pick, but they couldn’t get the details. These GMs aren’t leaking anything tonight, Barrack Obama take notes.

5:55: VS is using Sum 41 as its theme music for the draft, I don’t even have a joke here. I hope that someone got fired for that, but that’s not even a joke.

5:58 Luke Schenn will be the Leafs best defencemen, but won’t ready to play in the NHL next year according to Pierre McGuire… does that make Brian McCabe an AHLer? Schenn should call Matt Carl, ask how it is developing as a defenceman under Ron Wilson.

6:00: Betteman almost fainted like the kid in the spelling bee a few years ago, attempting to explain the TOR-NYI trade. He even had to start over and explain it a second time. If only he could do that with his entire professional life. Suffice to say the Leafs gave up 2 picks (2nd and 3rd rounders), in order to move from 7 to 5. “This is the start of their rebuild” says one of the announcers…giving up 2 picks to move up and take an 18 year old is their first rebuilding step? That’s why you are in TV, not a front office, dude.

6:03: Toronto takes Schenn amidst boo’s from the Senators fans. Kid from Kelowna (awesome town, if anyone cares), was absolutely drooled over by the Versus/TSN crew, they have building this guy up for the past 10 minutes. I think Pierre is expecting this kid to be the next Nick Lindstrom. I was actually kind of hoping that they went with the Russian kid Filatov, just to see Pierre McGuire flip out like Kanye West at a Katrina benefit.

6:03: “JOHN FERGUSON DOESN’T CARE ABOUT SASKATCHWAN PEOPLE” screams McGuire, while Bob McKenzie nervously returns to the script. (sorry, I had to)

6:06: Speaking of Filatov, it is early but not for nothing, this is the second year in a row that the top Russian has dropped in the draft. I think that the Malkin affair opened a lot of eyes as to how hard it can be to sign the Russian kids.

6:08: Two of Columbus’s picks to Philly for Umberger…Betteman has the exact same mannerisms as George Bush…and the same track record of success.

6:09: Umburger was an Ohio State Buckeye, he has to be happy about going back to Columbus. Speaking of which, it has long been my belief that there is no reason for the Blue Jackets to play in front of half empty arenas. How hard would day of game student discounts be? How would this not work?

6:11: The Blue Jackets took Filatov, so much for the Russian slide. Filatov makes Stamkos look old. No joke, he looks like he is under 15 years old. The Jackets had a Filatov jersey made up, which raises questions at the 6th pick, does it not? Filatov wore a cage in World Juniors, tells me a lot more than the fact that he says he would like to model his game after Sidney Crosby.

6:15: I need to see a Nickolai Filatov birth certificate. No way is he more than 15 years old; this
kid won’t be able to grow a playoff beard until 2020.

6:15: Remembered that Filatov was drafted by Columbus, so barring trade growing a playoff beard won’t be an issue.

6:16: Seriously, Filatov looks like Harry Potter, only younger.

6:17 Thanks to VS, as a bull riding commercial reminds me why this league isn’t taken seriously, I had almost forgotten.

6:19: The Isles trade down again, this time to Nashville. It says a lot about the draft this year (not great about the top, but a lot of solid players), that the Isles have traded from 5 to 9, but compiled 4 extra picks in the process, good work by them.

6:21: The Preds took Justin Daniels, out of Kent School…just kidding, they took Wilson out of BU. First American, out of Greenwich, CT. I’m pretty sure he pulled the Preds jersey over a pink Lacoste dress shirt and a Vineyard vines tie.

6:27: Gretz got a 2 minute standing O in Ottowa before taking a Danish kid, a Kitchner Ranger who looks a lot like Bure in his highlights (my analysis not VS).

6:30 Versus neglected to interview Boedker (the kid), in favor of Gretzky. I’m not even mad…By the way the fact that Boedker could be the Desert Dogs third straight first rounder to play the next year says a whole lot more about the Coyotes than it does about Boedker.

6:32: Gonna have to wrap it up here in a second, I have to go umpire little league at 7.

6:33: The Isles finally make a pick, taking Josh Bailey, the 5th OHL player taken in the top 10, and the 4th OHL defenseman. He has a “great half court game.” I heard he also has great post moves and can create shots off of the dribble.

6:38: They just showed Luc Bordoun getting drafted, a sad moment. A little bit eerie, as Vancouver has the 10th pick again this year.

6:41: Hodgeson, a “hockey player’s hockey player” is taken by Vancouver. Hodgeson is another OHL kid, who is a little bit green, but is the captain of the U18 Canadian team. Should be a solid pick.

6:46: With the last pick of the running diary, the Hawks take Kyle Beach at 11. Beach had just taken an interview with the TV crew…not suspicious at all that the guys predicted all 11 picks so far…Beach was a strong power forward (an Iginla type), but a problem child compared to Sean Avery. There are worse people to be compared to, but probably not what you want to see.

Ok, I really have to go now…You were right Simmons, this is harder than it seems.