Requiem for a...Requiem?

I really don’t like writing end of year columns. In fact I will go as far as to say that I dislike them, which is why the past two years, when the Sharks have been bounced from the playoffs having fallen short of expectations, I wrote columns that dealt with the rest of the playoffs rather than eulogizing the Sharks. While the temptation to do just that, if for no other reason than to title a column ‘Requiem for a Team,’ (the easiest awesome column title ever), is strong, this year, I am actually taking a step in the other direction, and breaking down why I don’t like to write end of year columns.

I’m still mad. I don’t want to talk about it.

To say that I have never written an end of the year column is actually patently false. I did. Two Years ago. It was for the 2007 Boston Red Sox. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. Then again, the 2007 Sox won the World Series. 9 times out of 10 (more specifically, 9.66 times out of 10, or 29 times out of 30), seasons end in less glorious fashion. Usually, they end in a cloud of bitterness, regret and anger. Whatever. That is the life of a sports fan. Really, I’m not complaining. It is what makes winning so great. Usually, though, it isn’t something you are eager to re-live, and by the time you are, the story is dated.

Ranting is great, but no one wants to read pure bitterness.

This might sound funny, coming in a sports column, because approximately 99.96% of sports columns are used to complain. Refs, underachievers, overachievers, favorites, other sports writers, fans, rules, commissioners, coaches, owners, you name it, sportswriters can bitch about it. A lot of the time, this can be productive. No one ever bought a paper with the headline ‘EVERYTHING FINE: PEOPLE GOING ABOUT THEIR STANDARD DAYS.’ The nature of writing is to look for something that is wrong. The kind of complaining that would come from a gut reaction to a team you had been rooting for getting bounced, especially earlier than you were expecting (and if you are a true fan, anytime will be earlier than you were expected), won’t be the productive kind. Resoned resentment can make for insightful writing, and angry rants can be made funny, but after a tough loss, neither of those things (humor or reason) are likely to be available.

Resentment can be funny. It can be insightful. But it needs to be reasoned to be those things, and when your team is eliminated, there is no room for reason.

Writing about sports should be fun. Dwelling on what went wrong isn’t fun.

The obvious counter to this is that you can, theoretically, write about the positives. You don’t necessarily have to dwell on the way that the season ended. This sounds nice and all, but really it isn’t true. The bad taste left in your mouth from the loss isn’t one you can get around, and it isn’t one you can just ignore. Funerals are sad, not because people think that their friends didn’t accomplish anything, or that their lives were disappointing, but because the last thing that you are going to remember is the death. On a much less serious basis, the end of a sports season is the same way. The death of a person or a team is the most recent and often starkest memory, and it is going to be the first thing you think of when remembering, at least for a while.

As for the fun angle, I mean it when I say that it this should be enjoyable. I don’t get paid to post columns, and I don’t even owe anyone the work that I put into them. I enjoy writing about sports, so I do it. Even if I were getting paid to do this, it is a job that should be enjoyable, and one that you will do better, the more you enjoy. During the season, dwelling on problems with a team, or even just complaining about them is enjoyable. That’s because there is a next game to look forward to, when you can see if they will be fixed. You have an idea what can change and what will change, so it can be satisfying, even cathartic, to throw out hat you think should happen. When the season is over, there is no next game. There is a next year, but the uncerainity with any team is too much to make any sort of meaningful suggestions. Complaining about a team that has hit the golf course for the spring isn’t fun. It just leads to an empty feeling.

I like the Sharks (/Red Sox/Boise State) because I like hockey (/baseball/football). I would rather talk about what is still out there, since that means I can think about more hockey (/baseball/football).

Whether I check out emotionally, like I claimed I would two years ago, or pick up another team (like I tried and failed to do last year), I will still watch and enjoy the rest of the playoffs. There is still good left in the NHL after the Sharks have been sent home. Simply put, it is more interesting to talk about what is still going on than dwelling on what could have been. Why the Sharks couldn’t get secondary scoring has no implication for the rest of the playoffs. The fallacy of the hot goaltender still does. I’d rather talk about the latter.

On top of that, if you aren’t a Sharks fan and you’re reading this, your interest in hearing about how I feel about the Sharks run is probably somewhere between 0 and well, it is 0. The point of writing a sports column is about 90% to entertain (at least), and bitching about a team that has stopped playing doesn’t do that.

Any sort of prediction for next year would be a combination of guessing and hoping, at this point.

I have no idea if Doug Wilson will shop Thornton, if he will sign Nabokov and Marleau, if he is going to try to bring in Frolov or Plecanec, or if he will even keep his job (although for the record I know he shouldn’t, shouldn’t, should, should shouldn’t and should, respectively). If I wrote about why he will, it would be disingenuous, and if I wrote about why he should, it would be colored by emotion. That isn’t to say that these columns, looking at the offseason, throwing out opinions and making predictions are worthless. In fact I think that I will probably write one, at some point. Immediately after the team is eliminated though, with the playoffs still going on is not the time.

In fact, there is a way that a eulogy could work for your own team. The problem is, that way is by waiting a couple of months before you write it. Unfortunately, by that time, things will have come out, and more importantly 500 columns will have been written, and it will be almost impossible to get an original take.

So this is my Sharks eulogy for 2010. It is just an excuse for why I’m not doing one, but it will have to do. It is probably for the best.

Reigning In 2008

                Fifteen Months ago, I wrote my first piece for the Kent News (and indeed the first to appear in this space) on the dismal year that filled the past twelve months.  Since that time, quite a bit has changed.  In fact many have editorialized in the past month or so that for all its shortcomings in terms of well, pretty much everything else, 2008 may have been the greatest year in the history of sports.  I hate to burst the collective bubbles of both SI and ESPN, but it hasn’t been nearly as great as they have claimed.  Call me a picky if you want, but in truth 2008 left plenty to be desired.

                Make no mistake, there were plenty of great moments in 2008, but there were drawbacks to each which have been ignored by an overly sentimental media.  Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt personified athletic achievement in Beijing.  While Phelps garnered most of the attention stateside, to me Bolt deserves to be admired in the same light.  Both athletes took their sports to another level in brilliant and memorable displays of greatness in their fields.  Without taking anything away from either man though, truth be told these were more of flash in the pan events in the larger sports world.  While both were achievements that will have a timeless status in their respective sports, the quadrennial interest of the mainstream in swimming and track and field prohibits 8 gold medals or multiple world records from being truly transcendent achievements.  The simple fact that neither athlete will likely compete in their sport for the next year is evidence of this.  The same is true for the Wimbledon final, as tennis was quickly put on the backburner just weeks later (can anyone name the winner of the Australian Open?).

Also in 2008, Tiger Woods reminded us that he is the greatest golfer in history, and that to suggest otherwise is foolish.  The 2008 US Open was truly one of the greatest golf tournaments ever played, with an everyman underdog challenging an infallible, once in a generation force of nature.  Woods, even on one leg was able to gut out a win in a performance that no one who witnessed it will soon forget.  As for the Open itself, there is really nothing negative that I can say about it.  On the other hand, that was just one week in what was otherwise an extremely boring season for Americas fifth most popular sport.  The fact is that in the current climate of the PGA tour, there is only one attraction.  That is Tiger Woods, and with him out of action for July and August, most of the season turned out to be forgettable, save one memorable weekend.  Once again, this was a moment of greatness, but not actually a great golf season.

                All of these were great moments, make no mistake, but all four also happened outside of the realm of the four major sports.  Much was made about the Super Bowl, but really aside from one catch it was an extremely sloppy game.  Aside from one timeless highlight, even if we still aren’t ready to admit it yet as a nation, it would have been much more memorable to see New England complete the 19-0.  As for the 08 regular season, the most enduring story will be one not of greatness, but of failure.  The 0-16 Detroit Lions were definitely the most compelling story in a league that lacked a single memorable team once Tom Brady was replaced in New England.   

Then there was the other story in the NFL…Brett Favre.  My distain for the coverage that this received is well documented, so I will keep this short.  Essentially all other stories were ignored so that ESPN could cover a past his prime quarterback go back on his word and break the hearts of an entire state.  What was the end result?  None of the teams involved in the saga made the playoffs.  Riveting!

                Sure, the NBA saw an old rivalry rekindled and the MLB saw a true worst to first story, neither of those things were unique.  The reason for the interest in the finals was really based on history.  This Lakers-Celtics finals was certainly entertaining, but they have a ways to go to reach Magic-Bird levels of compellingness.  And while the Rays were compelling, they were no more so than the Braves of the early 90s, probably less so, as the Atlanta team didn’t go ignored by its city until mid September.

In the other major sports, the Wings won the cup, but no one really seemed to notice.  A two loss team took the National Championship and the only compelling theme of the 08 season was that no one could agree on anything regarding the BCS except that there won’t be a true, undisputed champ.

Finally, the most compelling thing about sports is the players.  Our peers, as humans (sort of), who accomplish the things that we only dreamed of accomplishing are at the end of the day, the reason that we tune in.  The fact is the two breakout athletes in 2008 were a swimmer and a runner who we won’t hear from again for (at best) four years, and even if we do, they will be past their primes at that point.  This was the main shortcoming of 2008. Even 2007 saw LeBron, Sid, and Ovie take their games to another level.   In the four major sports, Matt Ryan was the only youngster that established himself as a star in 08, but even the most hard core Falcons fans would stop short of calling him a transcendent talent.

So sorry to hate on 08, but someone had to do it.  Before you go off thinking that I am a morbid, impossible to please, hardened skeptic, you should know that I really did enjoy 2008.  There were indeed plenty of memorable moments (getting a gold, silver and bronze in my three fantasy football leagues for instance).  My only point is that we shouldn’t get as carried away as we have.  As many great moments as 2008 saw, the fact is we only had one compelling regular season in the sports we actually care about, and that was due to league wide mediocrity.  2008 was as electrifying as any year, but to call it the best ever is jumping the gun.

It's Not Just You

Sitting around on a Monday night, halfheartedly watching Sportscenter after a phenomenal I saw something crawl across the bottom of my television set  that, to the average viewer would be relatively trivial.

MLB Brewers fire manager Ned Yost and name third base coach Dale Sveum as interim manager.

Sveum, that name seems familiar….

Where do I know that….

Wait a second, is that….

Good God.

Ladies and gentlemen, in the strongest nod to mediocrity since Sarah Palin was nominated to be the vice president of the United States, the worst third base coach in Boston Red Sox (nay, Major League) history, is now in charge of an actual baseball team.  In charge of one in a pennant race for that matter.

Ok, maybe mediocrity is the wrong word.  Sveum did capture the elusive third base coach triple crown in 2005.  He lead the league in RTOAP (Runners Thrown Out At the Plate), RTSBDS (Runners That Should’ve Scored But Didn’t) and HAGESF (Heart Attacks Given to Elderly Sox Fans).  I guess in the Brewers’ defense, they could have given Sveum a position he was worse suited to: Buss Driver (‘I know that the light is red, but I swear I can make it, screw it, I’ m going!’).

What did the people of Wisconsin do to deserve this?  And not just this, this entire year has been a disaster for the Cheese and Beer State (I know Wikipedia could have given me WI’s actual nickname, but that was more appropriate than the ‘Badger State’, although maybe more risqué than ‘America’s Dairyland’ as a nickname for the state that has a population of 5.6 million and is represented in the Senate by Herb Kohl and Russ Feingold.  Alaska is near Russia, nominate me for VP).  Forget the fact that you are in a pennant race.  Forget the fact that no team has fired an above .500 manager through 150 games since the Hoover administration. Forget even that the Brewers got rid of the manager that lead a mediocre pitching staff and a lineup featuring only one hitter over .280 to a tie for the wild card with two weeks left in the season.  The Brewers just hired a guy that any Sully, Mick or Murph could have tell you should be managing in A Ball.  So for Brewers fans, here is some definite proof-ish type stuff that the sports world has, indeed been turned upside down and you aren’t alone.

 _______________________________________________

Victor Zambrano threw a no hitter, at an Astros’ home game.  Despite being in a tight pennant race, the Astros agreed to play this game at Miller Park.  Apperently they don’t know how to use mapquest.

Aaron Rodgers is a better quarterback than Brett Favre, not in 2010, now.  Sure, it has only been two weeks, but you can put this debate to bed.  There are things that you can fake for a couple of weeks (a minor leaguer charging out to a .450 average after a call up etc), but the poise and ability that Rodgers has shown isn’t something that comes and goes.  The shocking part; I was right.  Not to say I told you so, everyone on ESPN and every other media outlet that thought the Packers were out of their minds and are now conveniently not mentioning their favoritism towards Favre, but… I F***ING TOLD YOU SO! (that felt good, moving on)

Matt Cassel is starting in the NFL.  Matt Leinart isn’t.  Two starting QBs went down in week one (Brodie Croyle and Vince Young), and every analyst agreed that their backups (Kerry Collins and Trent Green) were significant upgrades.  The best QB in the NFL went to a 1-AA school and he is one of seven (Romo, Warner, Jackson, Kitna, Flacco, O’Sullivan and Thigpen) that didn’t even play D1-A football.  There are 112 D-1 teams…how does this make sense?  Of the 10 best quarterbacks in the world, beyond the fact that two that theoretically weren’t good enough to start at Temple or Middle Tennessee St.,  one (Brady) is out for the year, one (Manning) is beginning to look like he peaked in 2006,one (Favre) spent 4 months of the offseason retired and one (Vick) is in jail for another 10 months.  Speaking of which, Marcus is going to go down as the well behaved Vick (old I know, but still funny).  This is how the best football league in the world is filling out the 32 highest profile jobs in sports?

I lost 6 fantasy points because DeSean Jackson dropped the ball too early as he celebrated into the end zone.  If I hadn’t won anyways, I may have put a hit out on Jackson.  Speeking of hits on fantasy NFL players, LT has 6 points in two weeks.  People are debating whether you can trade him for someone like Adrian Peterson.  Right now I might trade him for Darren Sproles… Norv Turner appears to agree.

I actually considered that some people from Wisconsin may still be upset given the second point that I made here.

 ____________________________________________________________

So if that doesn’t at least ease the pain Wisconsinites, don’t drink yourself into a Miller-induced stupor, or commit suicide by eating brats and cheese until you clog an artery, instead look on the bright side.  Your Brewers may not make the playoffs, but Rodgers looks miles ahead of Tavarius Jackson, the Badgers are poised to make a run at the Rose Bowl, if not the national championship, and if that doesn’t make you feel better at least Sveum isn’t your third base coach anymore.

Just A Thought

It’s the busiest time of the year on the sports calendar, so you would think finding a column out of this mess would be easy. There is certainly plenty going on, but when it comes down to it, nothing jumps out. Between the NFL Draft, MLB season, NBA and NHL Playoffs and everything else, you would think that there would be something that absolutely demands at least 1000 words, but nothing really jumps out. Take a look; the NBA and NHL playoffs haven’t developed a theme or even an intriguing story line (yet), the draft was sort of wild with all of the first round trades, but the class over all was pretty bland, and lets face it, April baseball is pretty damn boring. That isn’t to say that I don’t have any opinions I want to write, just nothing that I feel demands an entire column. So, since it is all that I have, here are a few random thoughts, opinions, facts, stats and downright lies that I have on my mind right now.

I’m not sure if this excites or scares the hell out of me. If pressed, I’m going with both.

Joe Pavelski is a gamer. So is Matt Carl. I wish I could say the same about Milan Michalek, but I’m not so convinced yet (an understatement).

I’m frustrated with Doug Wilson right now. On an unrelated note, let’s check out this Joe Thornton player card. Acquired: From Boston in exchange for Brad Stuart, Wayne Primeau and Marco Sturm. Back to Wilson...I actually calmed down for some reason, moving on...

Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit. Jeremy Roenick deserves to be on the first PP unit.

After typing that ten times, I’m starting to believe it, I’m 90% sure Ron Wilson did the same thing.

I’m just kidding, I hit ctrl+c, ctrl+v, and I still don’t believe it. It is the first intermission of game 2 and Cheechoo would have had 2 goals if he was playing with Marleau and Thornton.

Niklas Hagman is a (expletive) who cherry picks and flies the zone when the other team has pulled the goalie IN A FREAKING PLAYOFF GAME. It doesn’t get any lower. Congrats on the 2 goal game all-star.

Out of 7, 2 Sharks first round games were on national TV. Out of the first 4, only 2 of the second round are scheduled to be. I hate Versus more than I hate Al Qaeda. This may be its own column...

I tried, I really did, but I can’t hate on the Campbell trade. Yet.

Screw it, we blew 2-0 leads the last two years, I’m sure the Sharks are just trying to reverse the trend in a nice, symmetric style.

Contrary to the content of this blog over the past few weeks, I am capable of non-Sharks-related thoughts. (I’ll even prove it, besides I need to save some thoughts for the Thursday column)


The Rangers were done (for the series, not the game) as soon as the Pens came back from the 3-0 deficit, even if it took a 5-4 OT loss to drop game one.

Sidney Crosby is going to get better, and fast. Once he learns to keep his feet moving a little bit more, he is going to be unstoppable as he already skates through checks as well as anyone in the NHL. Once he learns to turn the corner and get to the net, he will be the best goal scorer in the NHL, as well as the best playmaker.

Read that sentence again, Rangers fans, and try not to quiver.

The Eastern Conference circa 2008 is no better than the NL circa 2007, I am convinced of it. The only way that an eastern team can win the cup is if the Western playoffs prove daunting enough that by the finals, the best team is completely worn down.
The best part about that theory is that it can never be proven wrong. No matter who wins the Cup, I will have been right.

I felt bad for Ovechkin, but really, I was just happy that the Philly-Washington game ended in time for the Sharks game to start on TV.


I don’t know, I just can’t get excited for the baseball season while the NBA and NHL Playoffs are going on. Call me in July.

Brandon Webb and Danny Haran are the best 1-2 punch in the Majors. Haran’s trade went largely ignored, but if Derek Jeter tells the media that he got an e-mail from A-rod but didn’t respond it is front page news. How am I supposed to believe that there is no east coast media bias?

Brad Wilkerson is hitting .189, Frank Thomas is hitting .164, Jason Botts has played 14 games in left field for the Rangers despite hitting .147, Barry Bonds can’t find work and this isn’t collusion. Yeah, ok.

The Rays just swept the Red Sox to move into a tie atop the east. I wrote it before, this isn’t a fluke, the Rays are for real.

I can’t decide who I’m more excited about, Tim Lincecum or Clay Buchholz.


I’ll shut up if it is just me (I am a Warriors fan, after all), but shouldn’t the Nuggets have thrown their last few games if they didn’t want to be in the playoffs? At least for the good of the NBA, I mean come on.

Note to Gilbert Arenas: just be quiet next time. (on second thought, don’t, for humor’s sake, keep talking)

Everyone seems to be taking sides on the wild MVP race, so I may as well throw my opinion out there. Wait, I watched about 5 NBA games this year, so I’m gonna go with Michael Jordan.

Isiah Thomas is being forced out of the Knicks organization right now. He better work out a severance package before his entire reign is remembered as an embarrassment.

I’m worried about Isiah, it is gonna be tough for him to get a job after failing so miserably in New York, but I’m even more worried about Bill Simmons. He isn’t going to have anything to write about.


The NFL Draft passed this weekend. It was as hyped as ever (naturally), but once it started there were only two players I could really get excited about.
If in 5 years, Matt Ryan is better than Glen Dorsey and Darren McFadden, I will sink all of my money into Home Depot stock (that is a bet, Mr. Blank).

The above statement has nothing to do with my rejection from Boston College, I swear.

The National Clever Sports Headline Writers Guild would like to thank Chris Long, Jake Long, the Miami Dolphins and the St. Louis Rams for their easiest day of work ever.

The NCSHWG? Really? Conan O’Brian read that and went “come on, that’s a streatch.”
I don’t care what anyone says, I like Pacman Jones.

If you have questions for Mel Keiper Jr. or Todd McShay in the next 4 months, please send them care of the Waikiki Sheraton, Honolulu, HI.


Going to Pizza Garden, coming back and writing a column while watching the Sharks game isn’t better than going to prom, but it isn’t $300 worse.

One last thing, an apology... Couples of Kent School, I am sorry for walking in on / third wheeling you guys, I really am, it’s just that I really wanted to watch that game.

My Own March Madness

note: a modified version of this column appears in the April 2008 Kent News

Ten days can feel like a long time. It has been three months since I submitted my last college application, and since then all that I have had to do is wait. While the entire waiting period has been stressful, the ten days since spring break have been almost unbearable. Coming back to Kent I had hoped to find decisions waiting for me, or at least to come in the next couple of days, but almost two weeks later I am still waiting for that last (extremely relevant) decision. Even with an acceptance in hand, three rejections have done nothing for my peace of mind, and by now I am a complete wreck.

Every time I go near the mail center, hear mention of colleges or even think about my pending decisions (right now for instance) I feel like a recovering addict; my pulse skyrockets and my stomach is in knots. I know I’m not the only one, even if it is little comfort. Everyone from the class of ’08 seems a little bit on edge right now. Being a senior in early March is something that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

So Why is this relevant? Where is the sports column usually appearing in this space?

Seven times, over the last four days I have sat down to write the NCAA Basketball tournament column I promised my editors. I’m just not up to it. It simply isn’t going to happen. My original premise was to write about tournament brackets and how ridiculous it is that everyone thinks theirs is awful because they didn’t have the 10 seed in the elite eight or the thirteen seed from the WCC beating the four seed from the Big East.

I liked the idea but it isn’t going to work for a number of reasons. First of all the concept became a little bit iffy when all four one seeds ended up winning their regions for the most predictable final four in NCAA tournament history. Secondly, and more importantly, I can’t sit still for more than 30 seconds without deciding that I need to check my mail, getting up and realizing that it is 11:15 P.M. The bottom line is that there is really only one thing that I can concentrate on long enough to write a (semi-) coherent column about, so I’m giving in.

Even if I have decided that an NCAA tournament column would be impossible at the moment because of my own personal “March madness,” I haven’t given up on following sports, quite the opposite in fact. At the best of times sports can be a nice escape from a stressful day to day life. Very seldom has an escape been more welcome than over the past couple of weeks. While a Sharks’ win or a good day for my bracket may not make up for a rejection from Dartmouth or Northwestern, they certainly don’t hurt to take my mind off of it for a while.

Luckily for me, the late March/early April period may be the best of the year for sports fans. The aforementioned NCAA tournament provides some of the most enthralling dates on the calendar in the first couple of rounds. Very few sports fans don’t enjoy sitting in front of their TVs or computers checking their brackets and rooting for 15 seeds (even if they don’t even know where Belmont is). The NBA and NHL are entering their stretch runs, providing a steady stream of excitement and drama as teams duke it out for the last couple of playoff spots. On top of all that Baseball’s season is under way and the NFL draft, one of my favorite events of the year, is just around the corner.

These are just the distractions I need right now. So thank god for an endless stream of NFL mock drafts (even if one letter changed Matt Ryan from my favorite player in the draft not named Ryan Clady or Darren McFadden to my least favorite), thank god for the Red Sox starting up (even though it is ridiculous that they have to do so in Japan four days before the rest of the league), for deadline acquisition/blueline god Brian Campbell pushing the Sharks on a 18-0-2 run and for the Warriors trying to street ball their way into the playoffs. Without those things I could be going insane.

Now you’ll have to excuse me, I need to go check my mail.

Shenanigans Gimmicks and Tomfoolery

note: this column appears in the January 2008 Kent News

January 7, 2008- There is an old saying: Gimmicks are for people who need gimmicks. I suppose that this time honored philosophy is fairly simple. If you are the best at what you do, you don’t need to use shenanigans to get to the top. You will never find a Beatles Christmas album or a Family Guy season where they trot out celebrities in an attempt to attract viewers. Gimmicks are fun in sports, but they only get you so far, presumably this is why it has been 80 years since the St. Louis Browns sent a 3’7” batter to the plate, or why the NHL has yet to experiment with a 600 pound goalie. So even though “The Beatles' Christmas Album” was released in 1970, Family Guy season 6 is advertised on iTunes with the line “The upcoming sixth season will feature guest voice appearances by Paris Hilton, Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson, among others” and I made up that “adage” about 10 minutes ago, I guess it is still true in sports.

This concept of the best not needing to stray from the norm ranges from the obvious to the obscure, both on and off of the field. For instance, you will rarely find a Red Sox game where they are giving away free souvenirs, whereas you can hardly walk through the gate at McAfee Coliseum (home of the Oakland A’s) without being pelted with free crap. On a similar note, I wouldn’t expect a giant Coke bottle or slide for the mascot in new Yankee Stadium (à la San Francisco’s AT&T Park or Milwaukee’s Miller Park). All of those can be fun, but organizations that don’t need to go out of their way to fill the seats, like the Yankees, Red Sox, Cubs or almost any NFL team, will be content to let the fan pay for his or her ticket, and let the game be the attraction.

Same thing goes for the games them selves. I am as big a Boise State Football fan as you will ever meet. I have three Bronco hats and a Jared Zabransky jersey hanging over my desk right now. Having said that, it doesn’t take Pete Carroll or Les Miles to tell you that you will never see USC or LSU run a hook and ladder, statue of liberty and halfback pass in the same season, let alone the same game (and I didn’t even mention blue turf). In fairness, the 2006 Broncos were a hard nosed team that relied on a great offensive line and one of the best running backs in the nation up until the last five minutes of their season, but they were a mid-major running with the big dogs and, at least for a while, they needed trickery to keep up. It was unbelievable to watch, but it also serves as a reminder that they aren’t quite up to speed with the Ohio States of the world.

There is indeed a fine line between creativity and gimmicks. In junior hockey, prodigy Sidney Crosby took heat for lifting the puck onto his stick and stuffing it into the net like a lacrosse player. Likewise a Brazilian soccer player was targeted and injured after running through defenders while bouncing the ball on his head like a seal, but these are talented athletes pushing the limits of their skills, not inferior players trying to keep up.

There are definitely exceptions. From time to time you will see Dice-K “noise makers” at Fenway or the Patriots running a throwback pass, but by and large, the best teams win by being faster and stronger, not by finding ways to fool you. While this leaves plenty of ideas you might like to see on the shelf (NBA Winter Classic anyone?), if teams don’t need gimmicks to win, and owners don’t need them to make money, they will continue to leave them alone. It is too bad.

The Final Straw

note: this column appears in the October 2007 Kent News

September 20, 2007- I have been pushed to the breaking point. I have been stretched, but I can’t be broken. I have been tested, tortured even, but I’m still optimistic about the future. The very fabric of my being, what I have been for as long as I can remember, and what I will be for as I live has been put to the test but I am still here. I’m talking, of course, of my life as a sports fan.

The last twelve months have been the worst of my lifetime for sports. Marked by scandal, disappointment and even tragedy, 2007 has not been a fun year to follow. For me personally the turmoil began about a year ago when the major acquisition of the off-season for my favorite team, new San Jose Shark Mark Bell was booked for DUI and hit and run. A dismal Red Sox team was eliminated from playoff contention with a couple of weeks left in the season, and I was not the only one turned off as an eighty-three win team won a World Series that your average sports fan couldn’t tell you who played in. The series itself was most memorable for a -- guess what: scandal, this one involving pine tar on Kenny Rodgers’s hand. If only boring championships and blurry spots on pitchers hands had been the worst of it.

2007 has been a year of disappointment and scandal. Pacman Jones started the sports world off on the wrong foot at the NBA All-Star game, becoming linked to a shooting that left a security guard paralyzed. I was dealt a personal blow at the end of the spring when a Sharks team underachieved in the playoffs and was ousted in the second round. Shortly after that, the sports world began to fall apart. Anyone who was remotely interested knows what happened, scandals broke out involving Barry Bonds, Mike Vick, Tim Donaghy, Human Growth Hormone (HGH), Jose Offerman, and Patriot-Gate. This summer has been so bad that perennial misbehavers Terrell Owens and Stephen Jackson decided that they didn’t even need to get involved.

So why am I still here, so to speak? It is a question that I have asked myself, for the first time in my life, while reading story after story with headlines like “Barry Bonds Accused of Fixing HGH Enhanced Dogfights.” For many people, the final shred of innocence was lost when the supposed feel good story of the year, Rick Ankiel, who had recovered from a postseason meltdown as a pitcher, worked his way up through the Cardinals farm system as an outfielder than, when he got his shot, hit 2 homeruns in his big league debut, was tarnished by accusations that Ankiel himself used human growth hormone.

The answer is two-fold. First of all, even when SportsCenter and ESPN.com are dominated by the negatives, positives still sneak in just often enough to keep people around. Even in what has been a negative year by most standards there have been plenty of great stories, even without Ankiel. 2007 started with a bang with the greatest upset in the history of college sports when Boise State pulled off a miracle and beat Oklahoma on New Years Day in the Fiesta Bowl (I’m a homer, if you didn’t know that by now your not paying enough attention). The Golden State Warriors became a national sensation on the way to upsetting a dominant regular season team in the Dallas Mavericks. Say what you will about Barry Bonds, but for me personally, sitting in AT&T Park with Bonds at 754 career home runs, a sold out crowd coming to their feet to support the soon to be home run king, flawless through it all in their eyes, represented much of what I love about sports and was an experience I will never forget (even if Bonds did go 1-7 with a single in the two games I attended). Young stars in all sports emerged, or else took their game to another level, as nineteen year old Sidney Crosby won the NHL MVP, LeBron James put the Cavs on his back, taking them to the NBA finals, Clay Buchholz, Jacoby Ellsburry, Melky Cabrerra and Jaba Chamberlain showed us the future of baseball’s most intense rivalry and rookies Reggie Bush and Marques Colston rejuvenated the Saints for a city that needed a rallying point more than anyone not from Louisiana could possibly comprehend. Through all this, what did I get to hear about? Cheating, lying and breaking the law. Is it worth it?

Yeah, actually, it is. It was because I know something that any Cubs fan knows. Something that Brooklyn Dodgers fans knew before the team went west. The NHL is starting up again, Joe Thornton is locked with a long term contract in San Jose with sweet new threads, the NFL will move on from Pacman, Mike Vick and Patriot-Gate, and the Sox are looking good for the future with Papelbon, Buchholz and Beckett on the hill. Those fans knew what every fan knows: “just wait ‘till next year.” If your looking for the final straw, the one that could turn me off of sports, your going to have to keep looking.