So, a crazy February in the National Hockey League went out with a fizzle on a deadline day that can only be described as boring (okay, that’s a lie. It could also be described as lackluster. Or disappointing for trade fans. Or quiet. Or low 60s and sunny in Santa Clara, California. But you get the idea). Disappointing as a 13 deal day that was headlined by the likes of Dustin Penner and Dennis Wideman may be, it was actually a fairly busy trade season, a fact obscured by the time that it was spread across. Consider the names on the move since January 1st:
Dustin Penner will have plenty of chances to kick Ryan Getzlaf
in the face, now that he is back in the Pacific Division.
Jason Arnott
David Steckel
Dustin Penner
Sergei Sampsonov
Bryan Allen
Brad Winchester
Chris Campoli
Scottie Upshall
Sami Lepisto
Rotislav Klesla
Dennis Wideman
Radek Dvorak
Niclas Bergfors
John Mitchell
Fredrik Modin
Chris Higgins
Maxim Lapierre
Brad Boyes
There was a lot of empty space here. Bar Refaeli is still hot.
Also it was super awkward, looking for this picture while in the library.
Brett Festerling
Brian McGrattan
Bryan McCabe
Tim Kennedy
Alex Sulzer
Dan Ellis
Curtis McElhinny
Alexei Kovalev
Brent Sopel
Nigel Dawes
Cory Stillman
Ryan Carter
Alex Goligoski
James Neal
Pictured: bi-winning (best. quote. ever.)
Matt Niskanen
Eric Johnson
Jay McClement
Chris Stewart
Kevin Shattenkirk
Tomas Kaberle
Blake Wheeler
Mark Stuart
Rich Peverly
Craig Anderson
Brian Elliot
Derek Joslin
Ian White
Michael Scott wears white 9k RBK skates. Nice.
(Hey, look, I don't have to fill anymore space!)
Eric Brewer
Jarkko Ruutu
Paul Mara
Chris Kelly
Aaron Voros
Kris Versteeg
Mike Fisher
Francois Beauchemin
Joffrey Lupul
Michael Frolik
Jack Skille
Ben Eager
Michael Rozsival
Wojtek Wolski
Jamie Langenbrunner
Ty Wishart
Dwayne Roloson
That is 63 names, all of regular NHLers, all of whom changed address this year. None of them are stars along the lines of an Ilya Kovalchuk or a Marian Hossa, certainly. Still, though, let’s look at this on the Jackson Morgus 5 BOOM rating system (simply put, 0 BOOMs is a minor leaguer, 1 BOOM is a border line 4th liner/6th d-man, 2 BOOMs is a role guy, 3 BOOMs is a regular 2nd/3rd liner, 4 BOOMs is a 1st liner/potential star and 5 BOOMs is a superstar- the JM5BRS was originally a 5 star system, but BOOMs are way more badass).
There were no 5 star guys, but there were 13 4 BOOM guys. That sounds like a lot. There were also four guys that got a 3.5 BOOM rating, which is, without any doubt, almost 4 BOOMs. There were 20 guys that got a 3 BOOM rating, which is almost definitely average, two guys got a 2.5 because I am a pretty indecisive person like that, and there were 13 2 BOOM guys, who aren’t as good, presumably, as the four BOOM level players, or the five BOOM players (of which there are none). Finally, there are 2 guys that got just one BOOM, and they definitely need to pick their game up. That’s probably why they got traded (a combination of that and an inability to use waivers on the part of the teams that traded for Chris McGratton and Aaron Voros). There aren't any zero BOOM guys, which begs the question of why I bothered to define what a zero BOOM player would be in the first place.
At this point, you are probably noticing that that is pretty good. Or maybe you are thinking that it is pretty bad. Maybe you are completely confused. I know I am. I hope that you aren’t thinking about how I listed 63 players, but the BOOMs only add up to 54, but you would have every right to, since they do (and I am too lazy to go back and figure out how I messed up, especially when it is easier to blame it on my brain being toasted from partial derivatives and future value equations- damn you economics). Still, though, my original point was to prove that there were a number of good players traded, and while the fact that that system was 100% arbitrary and completely confusing made it so that I didn’t end up making that point, I have completely forgotten where I was going with this. But what are you going to do? Win some lose some, I suppose.
By now, I have digressed so far, and so nonsensically, that it would be more or less completely pointless to attempt to return to the trade deadline. On the other hand, this blog is nothing if not almost completely pointless, so let’s do just that.
The biggest name in the group moving on deadline day would have to be Dustin Penner.Penner is a good player, but this move doesn’t make sense to me.The Kings have guys like Andrei Loktionov (productive in limited time in LA this year), Brayden Schenn (Canada's best player, in my oppinion, in Buffalo), Maxim Kitsyn (a Russian tearing it up for Mississauga), Tyler Toffoli (another World Junior defenseman, one of the best in the O this year), Brandon Kozun (a hometown product, yet another world juniors guy for Canada, and a Tyler Myers level traitor...LOS ANGELES IS NOT IN CANADA, BRANDON. Clearly we need better public schools) and Derek Forbert (yet another World Juniors guy, one who knows what country he is from) coming through the pipeline to add to a promising young core of Jack Johnson (24), Drew Doughty (21), Jon Quick (22), Anze Kopitar (2freaking3), Wayne Simmonds (22), and Dustin Brown (26) (as a Sharks fan, I just threw up a little bit in my mouth), this team’s time is in 3-5 years from now. Trading away a World Junior caliber defenseman with a first round pick makes little to no sense to me.It is taking nothing away from Penner (only 28, admittedly), but I don’t see them as a team that is making a run this year, or next, even.They are scary down the road, so I’m not sure why they would want to get older (especially given that Teubert and the pick are likely to amount to at least as much as Penner).
Other than that, there isn’t much to waste words on. Naturally, I will do just that. In no particular order:
Washington got a bit better with Sturm, Wideman and Arnott joining the squad. Only downer is Wideman’s -23. I’m not a plus minus believer, in general, but an aboration like that suggests that it is no accident.
I was happy to see Patrick Rissmiller go to a place that he might crack a lineup. I had the same thoughts about Hugh Jessiman. Both went to Florida. Weird.
The Sharks were probably right to realize that they had 13 of the last 15 reasons not to mess with what they have at the moment.
Kovalev has already made himself worth the conditional seventh rounder with that shootout laser the other night.
Brad Boyes is solid enough, although I’m not sure he justifies a second rounder.
I still hate Maxim Lapierre, and I still hate the Ducks (especially Corey Perry), and am disappointed to see that I can’t hate them together anymore (although it may have been worth it to hear Michael Faber say that Lapierre can help if he ‘takes his clown hat off).
Chris Higgins got traded. Chris Higgins went to Avon Old Farms, a school that hasn’t won the Founders League for at least two years, because KENT WENT BACK TO BACK, BABY.
Brian McCabe was a good, sneaky acquisition for an already deep New York blueline.
I am incapable of listening Son of a Preacher Man in the library without looking foolish. I have earbuds in and my head is bobbing EXTREMELY rhythmically. God I love this song (sorry, just seeing if anyone is still paying attention. Sure, we can keep going).
The biggest moves (Goligoski/Neal, and Johnson/Shattenkirk) went down a couple of weeks ago, and I already commented.
If I were Daniel Alfredsson, Milan Michalek, Chris Phillips or Jason Spezza, I would be PISSED. That was a freaking fire sale. And they got nothing back. A conditional seventh rounder, a 6th rounder, Craig Anderson, a first rounder, a second rounder, Ryan Potulney and a conditional pick is not nearly enough in return for what amounts to the better part of the core of their team.
For the past couple of months, I have been extremely busy. Either that, or I have become extremely lazy (fine, lazier). Maybe both. Either way, I haven’t found the time to write, and this blog has been underperforming like a Russian drafted in the second half of the first round. Or Hugh Jessiman. Okay, not as bad as Hough Jessiman. But close. Either way, I need to step up my game. With that in mind, it is time to bring back All-Things-Hockey .
In the words of the one and only Biz-Nasty, ‘BOOM.’ Let’s get at it.
Getting Center Iced
About six weeks ago, I made a life changing decision. With midseason prices having just gone into effect, I did what I had wanted to do, really since moving into my house in July, and pulled the trigger on NHL Center Ice. Now, this mostly means that I watch games on my TV rather than my computer, and spend all of my free time watching hockey rather than most of my free time watching hockey, and it probably won’t have any long term ramifications whatsoever. Still, a change is a change, so that makes it a life changing decision.
Now, first things first. Facilitating CenterIce is, as far as I’m concerned, the main reason that we harnessed electricity, invented television, and launched a space program. There are probably things about living in 2011 that are better than being able to flip between 8 or 9 hockey games a night, but I’m not that interested in them.
Hold on, my point isn’t getting across. I’ll let Bruno Mars take it from here:
You get the idea. Anyways, I mentioned it last year, but there are certain nuances of having access to every NHL game. One is that you quickly learn which teams you find interesting and which you don’t based on which games you gravitate towards and which you click past. I ranked teams based on this last year. (Looking at that reminds me, I have CenterIce IN HD NOW! DirecTV is the greatest thing ever. It is pure awesomeness. Awesomeness in HD, that is.)
(For what it’s worth, in the 2010-2011 version of those rankings, Edmonton goes way up, Carolina goes up a little bit, Montreal is up, Tampa Bay jumps up and Boston goes towards the top. Atlanta, Buffalo Calgary, Columbus and Toronto were too high anyways, and Ottawa is now right near the bottom.)
One thing that develops not long after starting with the CenterIce package is a taste for certain announcing teams. Out of the 30 offered by the league, at least 10 to 15 will fade in to the background and not seem important. 5 or 6 will become favorites, another 5 or 6 will seem insufferable, and another 8-10 will inspire weaker emotions.
For me, the favorites list looks like this:
Randy Hahn, Drew Ramenda (San Jose): It is an interesting phenomenon. Everyone wants to defend their home guys. I have friends (Sharks fans) that will insist that Randy and Drew are, without exceptipon the best in the league, simply because they are the Sharks guys. I guess it makes sense, with them as the voice of the team that you watch night in and night out you become familiar and comfortable with them, and since you are on the same side, you are bound to agree more often than not. That phenomenon aside, though, Randy and Drew are enjoyable, and make the good list.
Jack Edwards and Andy Brickley (Boston): These guys are, without a doubt, polarizing. There are plenty of people out there who can’t stand Edwards, but I for one love his antics. The dude is enthusiastic, and makes the game more interesting to watch. What more can you ask for? Of course, he is a giant homer, but it is a local broadcast, so I’m over it. Brickley also brings a lot to the table, as a knowledgale guy but also with one of the best voices in all of hockey (unless you hahpen tah find Bastuhn accents grating. Then you probably hate Brickley). Realistically, these two are my favorites.
Jim Houghson and Craig Simpson (National Broadcasts, Canada)- Houghson used to be the guy in Vancouver, but has switched over to a role on Hockey Night in Canada. He probably has the best voice of any play by play guy in the league, and gets bonus points for being the a HOWITZER guy from the NHL video games.
Joe Beninati and Craig Laughlin (Washington)- Another polarizing pair, I personally like Beninati, and also like the fact that whenever I think of the last name of a Caps player, I think it in Beninati’s voice. That’s cool, because Beninati’s voice is pretty badass. Like those monster truck rally announcers, except on a human being.
There are other guys that are good (St. Louis’s Darren Pang and Pittsburgh’s Paul Steigerwald among them), but those are the main ones that warrant mentioning. On the down side, Nashville’s guys are horrible, and I can’t stand Tyson Nash. Anyways, that’s about 400 words devoted to announcers, which is too many, so I won’t bother with more detail.
Anyways, CenterIce is awesome. It is completely overpriced ($120 for half the season? Are you kidding me) but well worth it.
John Davidson Makes My Head Explode
This is going to come as a shock to you, but at 1 in the morning, college students across the United States and Canada frequently consume alcoholic beverages. Shocking, I know. I’ll give you a moment to recover.
(ready?)
This past Friday night I was actually partaking in this pastime myself, and when I got back to my house well after midnight, I saw something that suggested that I had not only partaken more than I had realized, but I had actually drank significantly more than I ever had in my life. It was the first time that the consumption of alcohol had caused me to hallucinate while staring at my computer screen.
Because there was no way that the Blues just traded Eric Johnson for Chris Stewart and Kevin Shattenkirk.
That would never happen. But then I went to bed, surprised that I didn’t feel more off, and that I could even stand up, you know, because of the hallucinations, to sleep off what was clearly an insane level of intoxication.
And then I woke up. And it was real.
The absurdity of the trade aside, most of which comes from how little one could have seen it coming, the funnies thing about this trade is that everyone I talk to agrees that it was 100% a rip off, and completely lopsided. The funny thing is, people can’t agree on which side it was lopsided towards.
For my money, I like what St. Louis got. Both Shattenkirk and Stewart looked like budding stars this year. Johnson may in fact be the best player in the deal, but the difference between him and Shatty-Ice is much less than that of Stewart and McClement. Adding Stewart is going to make the Blues, with Stewart, Oshie and Backes banging on the forecheck, a tough team to play against.
Quick Hits on the NHL Trades Thus Far
- What’s going on? Did they move the deadline up? It isn’t even the last week of February and the deals keep coming. I can’t complain, I love trades, but…damn.
- Chris Neal just won the freaking lottery, if people are right in speculating that he will be put on Crosby’s wing. I’m pretty sure I could pick up at least 20 tucks a year playing with 87. Also, if I could play on his wing for 5 years, you could cut my right arm off with a rusty jigsaw in year 6 if that was part of the deal.
- Versteeg’s numbers aren’t earthshattering, but he excels at the eyeball test. Kid just looks like a good player. Great pickup by Philly.
- Mike Fisher to Nashville. Of course. Couldn’t help but laugh at that one. On the other hand, he can be a star in that town because of the non-hockey related name recognition, and since he is a good player, it makes it a worthwhile deal for the Preds.
- As Peter King and his complete misunderstanding of syntax might say, contenders, Boston, you are one. Kaberle makes that blueline potent. Picking up Kelly also gives them ridiculous center depth.
- 2 Goligoski notes: First of all, the dude is clearly a good, young defenseman, but he is getting a lot of love that I don’t remember being there before since this trade. Also, this means Seto is staying put in San Jose, I would say. Pittsburgh was the perfect place for that deal, and Goligoski was the target (even if it wasn;t it was definitely a defenseman, and the Pens aren’t about to ship out two). So let’s put the Seto on the move rumors away. I’m sure they will be back next year but we’re good for now.
INTERMISSION
My dad thinks that these are way too long. I want to help him out so that he can actually get through this, but I am on pace for like 8000 words right now. Since I don’t want to actually have to proofread and cut the fat (besides, this is all PRICELESS INFORMATION that needs to be shared with the world), I am going to compromise, and throw in random hockey related YouTube videos that I enjoyed. Don’t say I never did anything for you.
Is it just me, or has the hockey been a little bit obsessed with this whole outdoor game thing? Obviously the Winter Classic has become the signature event of the NHL’s regular season, and understandably so. Even after four editions, it is still a visual wonderland that is worth tuning in for whether you are a hockey fan or not, which is what the NHL is looking for (in general, but especially with this event). Since the NBC contract dictates that the NHL has to use American teams, and since this is probably good anyways (what, with growing the game and whatnot), it also makes perfect sense to give Canada a shot at the whole outdoor thing.
For that reason I am completely okay with doubling up with the outdoor NHL game (maybe not every year but certainly every few years at least). My biggest issue with the Heritage Classic, then, had nothing to do with hockey or the NHL. In fact, my only problem with it was that Drake did not, as far as I can tell, return home for it, as promised. In fact, as far as my extensive research (which consisted of Googling ‘Drake’ to confirm that he was in the NBA’s halftime show) has shown, Drake neither returned home to Canada to attend to the game, nor did he return home to Toronto on Sunday to watch the game.
(If those jokes went over your head, listen to the song Fireworks. The good one. Not the Katy Perry piece of crap. In fact, listen to it even if you think you got them. That shit is pure fire, as the kids say. Seriously, though. I really like Drake. By far my favorite Jewish-Canadian rapper. Top 5 at worst.)
That utterly irrelevant diversion aside, I was cool with having a Heritage Classic and a Winter Classic. In fact, I’m cool with having as mamny outdoor games as teams want to schedule, but in addition to those two, the hockey world has seen at least 2 college games outdoors (Michigan-Michigan State, which saw 116,000 people, and Army-AIC), the two NHL games, a CHL game and a Hartford Whalers alumni event in the natural elements. Since most of these took place under the radar it probably won’t have much of an effect, but the novelty is going to wear off if the world of puck keeps going outside this often.
Calder Cauldron
(Come back, it isn’t about the AHL. I swear - although I like Hershey, if anyone cares.
Hey, it’s another section that I’m adding because adding new sections is way easier than continuing old ones that don’t really line up with what I have to say!
Anyways, 2011 has been an interesting year for the Calder (Rookie of the Year) race. You know why? Because there has been an NHL season. Every year is an interesting one for the rookie of the year race. That’s mainly the case due to my severe ADD, which won’t allow me to be interested by the same players each year. The rookies are new and exciting, so let’s preview that race by-- SHINY OBJECT!
Where were we? Oh, rookies. Right. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the race this year is that of what makes a rookie. In order to be Calder eligible, a player cannot be over 26, have played in more than 25 regular season games in a previous season, or have played in more than 6 games in two previous seasons. This has become relevant this year, as it is hard to call either of the two ROY frontrunners ‘rookies,’ if the spirit of the term is honored.
Logan Couture, he of the league lead in game winning goals, and the brightest spot this season for a Sharks team who’s ‘big 3’ has been less than intimidating, played exactly 25 games in 2010. In the regular season. He then played 15 games for the Sharks in the playoffs, essentially establishing his spot on the team going forward the year before his rookie season.
The second of the frontrunners is Michael Grabner of the New York Islanders. Grabner, too, is hardly a fresh face out of junior hockey. He is already with his third NHL organization, having played 20 games last year, for Vancouver. Most tellingly, though, is that Grabner is just 59 days younger than Sidney Crosby, and was taken by Florida in the same 2006 draft, a guy who had, in one man’s opinion, done a fair amount to establish himself as an NHLer prior to this, Grabner’s rookie year.
Still, under the parameters laid out by the NHL, Grabner and Couture are rookies, even if neither of them played junior hockey during the Obama administration., and they have to be considered the favorites for the 2011 Calder. Couture has stepped up to become the biggest secondary scoring threat for the Sharks (and arguably more than that). His 24 goals lead the team, and as I said earlier, his 8 game winners have him tied for the league lead. Just as importaanly, Couture has been an outstanding three zone player for the Sharks. He has killed penalties, gone above 50% on draws, and logged a +13 playing key minutes all season for San Jose.
Grabner came on to the scene a bit later, first gaining recognition from most in Carolina where he was a member of the youngstars team, and on the fastest skater competition handily. Since then, Grabner has been on a tear, catching Couture in the goal scoring race, with a 10 goals in 6 games stretch shortly after the All-Star break, for a surging Islanders team.
The third favorite is Jeff Skinner. Skinner looks a little bit more like a typical rookie (actually, in the literal sense, he looks more like the typical u16 AAA player, but I was referring to his stats page, not his actual looks). The 92 birth year (hold on, I’m gonna go slit my wrists…aaand we’re back) was the 7th overall pick for Carolina this past year, and has completely forgone the A, jumping strait from the Kitchener Rangers to a prominent role with the Canes, where he is second on the team in scoring.
There are plenty of other guys with claims to the ROY race, too.
Most of them, it turns out, play for the Edmonton Oilers. Taylor Hall (surging lately, and beginning to regain the aura of dominance that he had in juniors- something that it usually takes rookies a while to get back, like they forgot they were more skilled than most guys for the first few months due to the shock of actually being in the NHL), Magnus Paajarvi (my pick after watching him dominate a pre-season game- my logic was flawless there-, he actually hasn’t been that productive), Jordan Eberle (sure he isn’t in the top 5 in rookie scoring but TSN did a totally hilarious piece on his first goal, which was super sick- that has to count for something) and Linus Omark (DID YOU SEE THAT SHOOTOUT GOAL! HE SPUN AT CENTER ICE THAT WAS BADASS! Omark isn’t actually a ROY candidate. He has 3 goals this year.) are all productive. It’s a good thing, too, since Tom Gilbert is pretty much their elder statesman at the ripe old age of 28.
Derek Stepan has cooled significantly from his early season pace, which had him scoring 246 goals this season, and breaking Wayne Gretzky’s NHL record for goals in a remarkable 298 games (just under 4 seasons if he can stay healthy), and points in less than 1000 games, making him easily the best player in NHL history despite never registering an assist (THESE ARE NON-ARGUABLE MATHEMATICAL FACTS). Despite his significant slump, relative to that pace, he remains in the top 5 amongst rookie scorers.
I’m told that there are other, non-goal scorers, that could be in the running for rookie of the year, but goal scorers are the ones who make SportsCenter, the ones who get paid and the ones who get laid amiright, so they are all that I really care about. Also, I don’t think that Corey Crawford, Kevin Shattenkirk or John Carlson quite measure up to the forwards in this race.
TFM Hockey
The site www.totalfratmove.com is obnoxious, morally questionable and populated mostly with douches. It is also hilarious, and frankly, I couldn’t enjoy it more. One of my favorite aspects of the site is the names that people use. Essentially, they take a name, title or phrase, and add bro, frat or whatever else to it. Hockey fans, don’t feel left out. Here are a few names to consider if you plan to post “Had the pledges DDing the Frathoes to the rink so the slampieces and bros could come to the game. TFM.” and are looking for something hockey related name to put it under.
Ilya Brovalchuk
Alexander Brovechkin
Fratrick Marbro
Brogan Broture
Browen Sound Frattack
Bro Thornton
Bro Pavelski
…any other Joe
Pavel Fratsyuk
Medicine Frat Tigers
Kevin Frattenkirk
Mike Brodano
Anze Bropitar
Natural Frat Trick
That was utterly pointless, but then again, so is this blog. Cheers.
HOMER TIME
What 2 Random People Would Say If They Cared About the Sharks (and agreed with me)
Drew Magary
(warning, language is Magary consistent)
Did you see that Setoguchi slapshot the other night? That was INSANE. It was like he was trying to shoot it THROUGH Jimmy Howard. Goodness. I’m even preparing to forgive Seto for disappearing for the first half of the fucking season. I’m not quite there, but it’s good to have him back
SONG THAT MAKES ME WANT TO RUN THROUGH A BRICK WALL
Russian Privejet, chromeboy remix, by Basshunter. This song will make you want to actually commit a homicide. Not like shooting someone in the back, but like winning a fight to the death against a worthy advasary. It is badass like that.
UPCOMING GAMES
San Jose-Pittsburgh
I used to love watching the Pens. Like pretty much everyone they may have been my favorite team in the league to watch. But now, without Crosby and Gino (not to mention Paul Martin, Mark Letestu, Chris Kunitz, Mike Comrie and Eric Tangradi), it is FUCKING DEPRESSING. I am flipping through CenterIce, see Pittsburgh come up, and then BOOM. No Crosby. Dagger. Injuries suck sometimes.
San Jose-Calgary
Coming back to Calgary means that the Sharks have played their last game in the Eastern Time Zone, at least according to a throw away coment from Randy Hahn, which I will believe because I am too lazy to check and see if it is true. Thank God for that, because 4:00/4:30 starts FUCKING SUCK. Sure, it is mainly because I was an idiot and scheduled classes that go until at least 5:30 four days a week, but still. I have an undue sense of entitlement wherein I have to be able to see every Sharks game start to finish that needs to be nurtured. So yeah, I’m happy that the Sharks are staying west for the rest of the year.
Pierre McGuire
Look at Douglas Murray out there. The guy is a monster. That’s a great hockey body right there. Reminds me of a bigger version of Marc Staal, only if Staal was more of a powerful, stay at home guy, who was a lot more physical, didn’t have quite as good puck skills. And was Swedish. Other than those things, Doug Murray and Marc Staal are exactly the same. I distinctly remember watching Doug with the Cornell fighting Big Red up in beautiful Ithica, New York, and with Apple Core on Long Island (/never saw him play either place, looked that up 15 minutes before). What a player. Watch this here: vintage Doug Murray. Great job by the San Jose scouting staff finding this guy.
Top 8 / bottom eight
On the Up
8. Pittsburgh Penguins- The injury woes have been absurd for this team. Even with the improvements that the made from the team that was a contender last year, it is hard to take them seriously without Malkin and not knowing when Crosby is coming back.
7. Tampa Bay Lightning- Their record indicates that they should be higher, but I just don’t trust their blueline, which is HUGE in the playoffs.
6. San Jose Sharks- They are absolutely surging, and only caution prevents me from putting them in the top 3.
5. Washington Capitals- If Neuvirth continues to look like a bonna fide 1, they are as tough as anyone.
4. Detroit Red Wings- I thought I would be able to take them out of here by 2011. What the hell?
3. Boston Bruins- They have spent the past two years assembling an incredibly deep roster. They have 3 second lines.
2. Philadelphia Flyers- It is impossible not to love the acquisition of Versteeg for this team. Goaltending still scares me but it hasn’t been a problem thus far.
1. Vancouver Canucks- They have one of the best bluelines in the league…on the IR (Bieksa, Edler, Hamhius, Ballard, and Alberts…not a bad top 5, all out). They are managing to win without them though, and when this team gets healthy they have to be the favorite.
bottom eight
23. New York Islanders/New Jersey Devils- I didn’t want to put either of them on here, since they are on a tear, but the fact is they make up the 13 and 14 seeds in the East, so they have to be on the bottom list.
24. Atlanta Thrashers- Realistically should be at 27, but they just called up Patrick Rissmiller, and that gets you a 3 spot bump in my book. No one said these rankings were scientific.
25. Florida Panthers- Fire sale: commence. Just a hunch.
26. Colorado Avalanche- They should make a trade to switch things up with some young stars.
27. St. Louis Blues- Ditto.
28. Edmonton Oilers- So young. A couple of years away.
29. Toronto Maple Leafs- Bad times in Ontario…
30. Ottawa Senators- EVERYTHING MUST GO! (slash is gone).
Goal of the…whatever
Grabovski is the next Nik Antripov. 20 goals a year, looks like a 50 goal scorer on all of them. Bonus points on this unreal move for breaking a tie in the last 3 minutes of the game.
Player Montage
3:06 of top glove. Down.
Shorter Hockey Thoughts
- Corey Perry is budding as a star in the National Hockey League. He is having an outstanding season as a player and not just a pest. This makes me UNREASONABLY EFFING ANGRY. Really, God? Corey Perry, that leg stomping, chippy little rat gets to be a star? What the hell?
- On the same note, Stefan Della Rovere is an NHLer.
- 3 Random things that are badass: Goalie fights, knee drops, one timers. Boom.
- There are two teams that Word thinks are spelled wrong. The Sabres (wants Sabers), and Canadiens (Canadians). Bothe are in the Northeast division. Coincidence? NO WAY! Actually, yeah, it probably is. Thought you should know, though.
- Chris Neal just won the freaking lottery, if people are right in speculating that he will be put on Crosby’s wing. I’m pretty sure I could pick up at least 20 tucks a year playing with 87. Also, if I could play on his wing
Award Watch
Just going to run through this quickly. I like the Ryan Kessler bandwagon for MVP (why not?), Tim Thomas has to be the Vezina favorite, and as much as it kills me not to pick Couture, I think that Skinner gets the Calder right now. I’m also going to abstain from the Adams (top Coach) debate, because it is obviously Guy Boucher, but he seems like a douche. So there.
THAT’S THE SOUND OF ALL THINGS HOCKEY, BABY! Damn, it feels good to be back.
I have to be honest, this offseason didn’t seem to drag on quite like some have in the past, in fact it felt like it went by fairly quickly, but that is for the best. Hockey is in full swing, and, luckily, it is still freaking awesome (good news!). There is a lot to get to, and my dad thinks that these were always too long last year anyways, so let’s get right into it.
BACK IN THE USSR (and Germany, Sweden, the UK, and the Czech Republic)
(First things first: No I will not stop using the same Beatles reference every time that Russia is involved. Glad we cleared that up.)
Hockey is truly a global game. With increasing numbers of players and fans coming from overseas, the season openers in Europe are an ample opportunity for the NHL to reach out to this fan base. It is great to see the league tapping this resource in the age of globalization and ensuing a worldwide fan base going forward, because after all, the days as America as the end all be all of major sports will not go on forever. Look at the premier league or the champions league in soccer. They are based out of…
Yeah. I can’t do this. Sorry.
I hate the NHL opening on the old continent. There are so many things I hate about it. I hate that it means that the teams traveling have 40 home games rather than 41. I hate that the Sharks opener started at like 12:30 PM on a weekday. I really hate that it means that the Sharks home opener is 13 days, an entire Cuban missile crisis, after the opening day of the season. I hate that it is impossible to tell if the games overseas are exhibitions or regular season games. I hate that it means that I only get to see the Blue Jackets come to San Jose one time (just seeing if you are still paying attention). I hate that the teams have to ‘defend the honor of the NHL’ or whatever, against DEL and KHL teams, just days before they start an 82 game schedule. I just hate the whole thing. Did I mention that I hate it? Because I hate it.
The whole thing is pointless, too. Are we really going to hook a generation of Swedes or Czechs because there was a single regular season game in Stockholm or Prague? Of course not. And the stadiums (at least in Sweden) were half full at best. (THIS IS WHY OBAMA MUST BE STOPPED! SOCIALISM CANNOT SUPPORT PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY! ) God, it just makes no sense to go this far out of our way to play games in front of foreign ECHL crowds.
Really, the only games that were somewhat interesting were the SKA-Carolina game, and the San Jose-Manheim game. Even though it wasn’t quite full speed, it was interesting to see the NHL teams go up against the Euros. Fine. Keep them, and if you want, send multiple teams, and you can even have games over there between NHL teams. But do it in September, and make them exhibitions. This is dumb.
Jersey Short, A Situation
Best. Title. Ever.
Anyways, the Devils went into a couple of games already this year with just 15 players dressed. The most important thing to take away from this is that it is freaking hilarious. The Devils messed up their cap so badly (while losing their best defenseman), that they couldn’t afford to call someone up for league minimum for a couple of games. Ha and ha.
The part where people lose me, though, is when they suggest that somehow New Jersey has broken the rules, or that they should be punished. This is ridiculous, first and foremost because it is not a rule. 18 skaters is a limit, not a quota, so there is no way the league could actually take action. As for if they should, playing with 15 players is a penalty in itself. Is it cap circumvention? Sort of, but it punishes itself, so there is no need to take action. Worst (or best, depending on your perspective) of all, is that the cap and roster issues may not even be the biggest problem in New Jersey. The team is a mess. After watching them in San Jose on Tuesday night, I remarked that I had never seen a team that looked better when you saw the names in warmups, and worse when you watched them on the ice. They really are as bad as their record right now. They have no chemistry, questionable team defense, and absolutely zero idea how they should use Kovalchuk. My reaction was naturally that their new coach, John McLean is in over his head, and is lost with this team. When I told this to people who might know about the situation, I was told that McLean isn't the problem. Jersey has a weak blueline, an aging goaltender and forwards who can't get along (all things I should have seen). That might be worse. It is way easier to fix a coaching problem than a disfunctional roster. Before the season, I loved this Devils team, since they seemed to be extremely entertaining with a lot of skill, but without the backend to be a serious threat to win it all. It turns out that they might not even be that.
Solicitation
Obviously, if you ever have a hockey question or topic that you want me to address, you should email the blog at ovsports@gmail.com. I’m not sure why exactly you would direct a question at me, but nonetheless, I like responding to people, so please feel free. More to the point, though, I am changing the way that I am doing Sharks games this year. The last two seasons, I had 10 game ‘Shark Packs.’ This year, I’m going on a game by game basis. My buddy picked up tickets to the second home game of the year, because when the Carolina Hurricanes come to town, you drop what you’re doing. Then, we went to see the Kovalch- er, Devils last night.
Anyways, moving forward, I am trying to figure out which games are worth throwing down for. The Oilers and their awesome CHL team are a must. The Penguins with Crosby and Malkin are an obvious one, and the Caps are another no brainer. Beyond that, who else should I be looking for. Send me teams that are worth seeing, and why. Let’s get our democracy on.
Homer Note of the Weeks
What 4 Random People Would Say If They Cared About the Sharks (and agreed with me)
Drew Magary
Scott Nichol is terrible. He is less equipped to play on an NHL team than I am to be a parent, which is not at all. Seriously. He is FUCKING TERRIBLE. Watching him play makes me want to burn down planet fucking earth. Goals? No. Assists? No. Dumb penalties? Fuck and yes. He is the Sharks version of superaids.
Upcoming Games
Sharks vs. Devils
Is there anything better than a shitty Devils team? I say no. Can you imagine if the Devils missed the playoffs in Marty McCheatonwifewithwifessister's last season and he had to retire in April? That would be awesome and my HEAD WOULD FUCKING EXPLODE.
Sharks vs. Ducks
I went to the cafe where I buy coffee while I’m at work today and I saw that they had a basket of cliff bars at the counter. I’m in a big cliff bar guy, so without looking at what kinds they were I ordered one in addition to my coffee. Imagine my dismay when I looked down and saw that my options were black cherry almond, raisin walnut and pecan pie. PECAN FUCKING PIE! What the fuck? WHAT EXACTLY WOULD HAVE BEEN WRONG WITH CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER? I have no use for your shitty nut/fruit combinations.
Sharks vs. Oilers
Reader Hambone:
“Was Eve good looking?”
That’s a solid fucking question. Was Eve hot? I bet Eve was hot. And Adam totally hit that. Nice. Solid work by him. That’s great hustle.
Bill Simmons
I was talking to my dad the other night about the Sharks playoff demons and he said that he had fallen asleep during all of the west coast games, which makes it absolutely obvious and self evident that the games need to be shorter. Anyways, my buddy J-Bug and I agreed, that as Red Sox fans, we know everything that there is to know about losing and tortured franchises. Usually, according to the VP of common sense, it takes a cosmic shift in the luck of a city for things to turn around. Maybe the Giants and their awesome fan base, which keeps me interested in the baseball games even though they are too long becuase I’m 42 which is totally old and I fall asleep watching them at the same time as classic Larry 'basketball jesus' Bird games on NBA TV and St. Elmo’s fire after TMZ wraps up on VH1, can bring the Sharks some momentum in the playoffs this year.
Peter King
Sitting on the set of Football Night in America on Sunday, I put down my venti Half-caf mochachino turned to my friend Tony Dungy, and asked him what he thought about Joe Thornton’s captaincy so far. Dungy thought (something self-righteous and blowhardy that no one really cares about, edited for space). Once I was done being in awe of the fact that I know the great Tony Dungy, I thought about it myself while I was texting Keith Brooking, perhaps the best inside linebacker in the league, although he is old and slow and probably not as good as Brian Urlacher, Ray Lewis, Demeco Ryans and John Beasons, all of whom I am also friends with. Here’s what I think that I might think that I may have thought about possibly considering thinking about Joe Thornton.
The captain has
1. The letter on the sweater which is
2. At this point mostly a token responsibility
a. because it is assigned by the coaches and
- not given from a vote by players, but
b. leadership is a more organic process
i. stemming from the room itself
ii. regardless of has the C.
3. And Joe has been a leader in the room for a while so I don’t think that a. it is going to be a problem, or b. it is that much of a change.
Don Cherry
Look at this good ol’ boy, Logan Couture. That’s a Canadian for ya. None of that dipsy doodle crap you see from a lot of the younger players in the game these days. It isn't becuase he doesn't have the skill. This is a blue collar guy. And I tell ya what, HIS FATHER CHET IS A FIREFIGHTER BACK IN GUELF. Boy, I tell yah, Ron, he must be a proud guy right about now. (McLean opens his mouth and tries to say something, but is immediately cut off) Look at Logan go to the net here. Watch this here. Where is the video? I thought we had the video. Oh, there it is. Bam! You think he plays like that because he doesn’t have the skill to dangle around the edges? Of course not. That’s how they taught em back in the London Knights. Junior in the Ottawa 67s. He knows that you have to go to the nitty-gritty to be a REAL hockey player. If you want to score, you go to the net. ATTA BOY LOGAN!
/(that was ridiculously fun and needs to become a running feature…)
Goal of the Week
Did I mention it is good to be back? Because goal of the week reminds me that it is good to be back. Ladies and gentlemen Jordan Eberle.
'The guy scores a couple of lucky goals in world juniors a couple of years ago, and first game he is looking off our captain on a 2-1. It's pretty disappointing actually.
What else could it have been?
Pass of the Week
I thought that this was Zach Parise the first five times I saw it. It is actually Danis Zubrus. I blame the Devils jerseys for having 8 and 9 look the same with tucks.
New Feature; Quintessential Goal
I’m going to do something different this year, where I count down some of the best scorers in the league, and demonstrate how sick they are (scientific term used), by showing what I would consider their most typical awesome goal. Is it because I feel like we need a definitive list of the best scorers? No. Because you need to know which of Ilya Kovalchuk’s 341 goals best exemplify him? No. It’s because when I put more videos of sick goals on here, nobody loses. Except for goalies. Goalies lose. But that’s how we like it.
Top Tier
Stamkos
This exemplifies the Lightning star's rocket shot, and ability to make plays in traffic, serving as a good representation of his skill set.
Kovalchuk
Ilya brings great speed, can make a move or two with his hands, but his shot is what makes him special. While a quintessential goal would have been from the top of the circle, top glove with a wrister, this one is more fun. It also is appropriate that rather than deak the goaltender or go low like 90% of the league would have, Ilya acts like a badass, which he is, and snipes to glove. Sick.
Ovechkin
Ovechkin is about a combination of finishing creativity, and speed, all of which were on display here.
Crosby
Dude has the skill. He has the hands. He has the speed. He knows when to go. And he will never freaking quit. You can't sum all of that up better than this play does. It's why he is the best in the game.
New Feature: Player Montage
Self explainitory…same logic as above.
Goals, hits, hardcore/punk music? Yes please.
We'll start with the Cros.
Top 8 / Bottom Eight
This is a balancing act at the moment. It is hard to determine to what extent results, and to what extent potential should be weighed. Ultimately, this is leaning towards prediction, but certainly is influenced by what has happened so far.
1. Pittsburgh Penguins- They have the scariest roster, and 12 points through Wednesday morning, tied for second in the league.
2. Vancouver Canucks- The results don’t quite bear this out with their 4-3-2 record, but Vancouver looks like a team that could put it together.
3. Detroit Red Wings- God, I thought this might be the year that they were going to just go away. I guess not.
4. Nashville Predators- Still unbeaten in regulation.
5. Washington Capitals- They’ll figure it out…
6. San Jose Sharks- I defy anyone to claim that they aren’t a top 6 NHL team.
7. Montreal Canadians- Cary Price? Really? Ok.
8. Calgary Flames- 12 points, without an OT decision
23. Anaheim Ducks- 9 points, sure, but they have played a league high 10 games.
24. Buffalo Sabers- Just 7 points, also in 10 games.
25. New Jersey Devils- -18 goal differential can’t be ignored.
26. Phoenix Coyotes- If for no other reason than because I still don’t approve of Arizona.
27. Carolina Hurricanes- What do you mean they handled the #6 team at home? They still totally suck.
28. Edmonton Oilers- Making me look bad, thus far.
29. Florida Panthers- Just…brutal.
30. Minnesota Wild- Woke up after a bag skate, but they don’t have the talent to hang.
Award Watch
This entire column is an exercise in futility, but even I won’t go as far as to pick the awards after about 9 games per team.
Shorter Hockey Thoughts
This has to be one of the dumbest things I have ever seen. Either there is no point doing power rankings after 2 games, or they should be influenced fairly strongly by how you think teams are going to finish. The Leafs at 4? Really? The Stars jumped 17 spots based on 2 games? The Penguins down 20? This is the very definition of pointless.
Who among us has not wanted to tell Sean Avery exactly what James Wizniewski did? Ironically, I think that Colin Campbell has probably wanted to do that more than anyone. (Wait, why am I defending Wizniewski? God, why couldn’t they have just fought to the death or something?)
‘The Key to controlling the puck is to posses the puck.’ Kevin Weeks said that. He actually had that thought, then decided that it would be a good idea, and a worthwhile practice, to look into a camera, and say that to America. God, I’m glad he is here.
HE JUST DESCRIBED THE ANDY SUTTON INJURY AS ‘A HUGE HOLE IN THEIR BACK END!’ HE REALLY SAID THAT! Was it intentional? It had to have been intentional. God, I hope he has no idea how funny that is, though. That would make it ever better, if he had no idea. I really am glad he is here now.
Me: (sees kid wearing a HILL shirt) did you go to Hill School in PA?
Him: Yeah
Me: (excited) Patty Riss!
Him: What?
Me: (walks away, pissed that he doesn’t know who Patrick Rissmiller is)
Tyler Myers doesn’t look the same has he did last year. Watching the Sabers, this is somewhat apparent. He is getting beat more. He is out of position more. He is relying on his size and reach, not playing like a smaller player which is what made him so effective last year. I wondered aloud about this to my buddy Austin, and wanting to see if I was imagining things, I looked his numbers up. Don’t let the 3 point blasts fool you, Myers is a -9 on the season, just a brutal number. Size is such a huge advantage on the point, and Myers has the skill set of a puck moving defenseman, something that you almost never see in a guy who is 6 foot 8. For that reason, I thought he could control the Norris for the next few years. Something hasn’t clicked yet this season, though, and the Sabers need him to figure it out.
While I’m not sure how they settled on lavender for breast cancer awareness (shouldn’t it have been pink, or are we just arbitrarily throwing out feminine colors now), but I liked what the Blue Jackets did by wearing them in warm-ups rather than just practices, as the Sharks have done (and other teams I’m sure, although those are the ones that I have seen). Wouldn't the whole point of wearing the special practice jerseys be to get them seen? Wearing them on gameday is way more effective to that end.
Looking Forward
I’m more intrigued by the teams at the bottom of the league right now than I am by the top. I know that Toronto and Nashville aren’t two of the premier units. But is New Jersey the worst? Will Edmonton STOP MAKING ME LOOK BAD DAMMIT! So, yeah, those are the two teams I’m going to keep an eye on. And the Sharks, obviously.
