Saturday, October 30, 2010

Nit Picks: Half Speed

I'm busy this week and I spent a lot of time on the hockey column, so I only had a chance to get mad five times this week.  Actually I got mad a lot more than that but most of the time it was at my house mates or something like that, and I didn't write it down, which is fine because it wouldn't have had the same kind of mass appeal as pointing out that Wade Phillips isn't qualified to coach my 1-4 intramural flag football team.  Anyways, here are 5 rants for yah, picks at the end as always.

Just kill me now.

2. So the Niners and the Raiders continue to tarnish and viewing pleasure that I might be able to gain from the NFL.  I swear, if there is one more afternoon where 49ers-Panthers or Raiders-Broncos or some other gawd awful game involving those two teams is my only option, I would really appreciate it if the a-holes who vandalized my yard a few weeks ago would come back and rip the GD satellite dish down.  Anything would be better than another masochistic afternoon of watching those teams attempt to play offense.  If my TV got taken out again, I might at least try to get a bootleg broadcast of a watchable game online (Goodell and his $70 a month Sunday Ticket can suck it). 

3. Music Rant of the Week
I want to put a positive spin on the music rant this week, so I am going to do one thing that always pisses me off, and one thing that makes me happy when it happens.  Both will be completely arbitrary.
On the down side, you have songs that have badass intros, and maybe sick choruses, but with half assed shitty verses.  That sucks.  I always get pissed when I hear a song for the first time and the intro is awesome, and then the verse changes up the rhythm and kills, or at least hinders, the entire thing.  A lot of Anberlin songs are like this. 
On the up, you have the phenomenon when you are listening to iTunes or an iPod, and you accidentally skip a song that you wanted to listen to while on random, but before you go back you see that the song coming up is awesome.  This happens to me all the time at the gym.  ‘Wait, I am going to get to listen to Re-Education through Labor now, and then I get to hear Wherever I May Roam ALSO!  THIS IS LIKE FUCKING CHRISTMAS!  I am going to kill these next three sets with this music.’  It is a truly great feeling.

4.  Hey, Rick Reiley, there is no room for you and your massively inflated ego on the Boise State bandwagon.  Sorry.  You are going to have to get off so that you can go write another unfunny story that rips off something that you wrote and wasn’t that good in 2002. 
So, uh, yeah.  Fuck off.
(Also, the show homecoming is the worst thing on television that doesnt involve the letters 'V,' 'H,' or the number 1.  Watching you do the worlds worst stand up routine with that crappy Kanye song as the theme made me want to root against Josh Hamilton, the single most root forable player in baseball.  It was that bad.)

5. I have two questions regarding the Cowboys, and I am new to this sort of thing so bear with me.  One, is at what point do I openly start rooting against them for the high draft pick.  With Romo out, and the team, you know, being shit and all, I know that I will be happier if I start now, but it is only week se'ven.  That seems like it is a bit premature.  Not because they still have a chance to contend, but because they aren’t really in a number one pick race or anything.  Anyways, it is definitely coming, so much so that I was actually pissed that Romo might be able to come back this year.  So when is the best time to start.  My second question is, in the draft, can we take a coach?  We are pretty solid at the skill positions, so can we just take Nick Saban or something with the number 5 pick in June?


(just 10 picks, again…time)
Cowboys (-6) over Jagaurs
Titans (+4) over Chargers
Jets (+4) over Packers
Panthers vs. Rams over 37
USC (+210) over Oregon
UNLV (+35) over TCU
Ohio State vs. Minnesota over 55
Utah (-6.5) over Air Force
Michigan (3.5) over Penn St.
Patriots (-5.5) over Vikings

Drew Magary Link of the Week

“I was watching DeMarcus Ware play on Monday and I was thinking that black people have added a lot of prefixes to the name Marcus: DeMarcus, LaMarcus, JaMarcus. I feel like there's a new Marcus prefix they're waiting to roll out, and I'm hoping I can predict it correctly. I went through the whole alphabet trying to figure out which ones would sound best, and which ones would sound uncommonly silly: BaMarcus, MaMarcus, NeMarcus (short for NeimanMarcus), RaMarcusable, etc. I think it'll be Q'Marcus. It has to be. I can't imagine HaMarcus beating it out.

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